If You Want I'll Keep On Crying
by Kumori.K
Summary: Set in the era of the Marauders, the tale of an unlikely romance between a misfit Gryffindor and Sirius Black.
1. Introduction: Witch

"I'm a... A what?" I said, stunned. My eyes scanned the strange piece of paper clutched in my hands.  
"Why was there an owl in your room and what... What is that?" Said my mother angrily, snatching the letter from my hands.  
"Raven, what is this nonsense?!" She said after reading the letter several times.  
"Remember that time when that desk caught fire? Or that time when you threw the book and-" I started, trying to make sense of it. But my mom cut me off with a snarl.  
"If this letter is true... Those things happened because I'm a-" I said, but again I was cut off.  
"Shut up! You are no such thing and you will certainly not be attending this... This," she said, pausing to check the name of the school. "Hogwarts," she said distastefully, angrily storming out of my room and slamming my door. She hadn't however, taken my equipment list or the train ticket. I had every intention of attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Following up on my intentions proved to be slightly difficult, but in no way impossible. Acquiring the necessary things I would need was the first obstacle. In London, I discovered a bar I'd never seen before and took my chances when I cautiously entered it. After a brief discussion with the barman Tom, I had entered Diagon Alley. But muggle money, as one of the storekeepers called it, was apparently not accepted in the Wizarding world. So I was forced to make a detour to Gringotts, the Wizard bank, to exchange my money. Unknown to my mother, I had collected a stash of money I'd knicked from them here and there. I'd been saving it since I was five.  
Once I had a strange assortment of Wizard coins, I checked my list and decided to get a wand first as it sounded the most interesting.  
And I was not disappointed as I told Ollivander, the wand-maker, that I required a wand.  
After holding many what appeared to be wooden sticks and feeling rather foolish, I found the right wand, or according to Ollivander, it found me.  
"Thirteen inches, made of yew with a phoenix feather core. Rather thinner than usual, excellent for counter-jinxes and defensive spells," said Ollivander, hastily shoving a slender wand at me. I took it and felt an instant warmth from the wand. A small fire flared from the tip.  
"Ahh... An excellent wand. You'll be very happy with it," he murmured as I paid for it.  
It didn't take long for me to gather the rest of my supplies.

When I returned home, my mother had gone out and I thankfully dumped all of the packages into an old trunk at the foot of my bed. They couldn't ask awkward questions if they weren't there. I fell asleep smiling.

I stared at the platforms on the station and glanced in confusion at the numbers. 9... 10. No 9 3/4. I would have been standing there for quite a long time if I hadn't noticed a boy with long silver hair push his trolley through a pillar between the platforms. Biting a nail nervously, I pushed my trolley through the seemingly solid wall... And emerged onto platform 9 3/4.  
I hurriedly boarded the train and searched for an empty compartment.  
I found the silver haired boy quickly.  
"D-do you mind if I-I... C-Could I..." I stuttered.  
"Not at all. However, my friends will be coming soon so as long as you don't mind," said the boy politely. I hesitated, but entered the compartment anyways. I had no way of knowing the boy smiling at me would become my greatest enemy, and was even more cruel than my mother. He says his name is Lucius... Lucius Malfoy.


	2. Teased

"No... S-stop it!" I yelled, my eyes shut tightly. I refused to cry and bit the inside of my cheek instead until I tasted salty blood. But my feeble cries only egged them on.  
"Aww, does the little birdie want someone to save her?" Taunted a black haired witch with heavily-lidded eyes.  
"Shut it Bella," murmured Malfoy, the ring leader of his little gang.  
I tried to shift my position, struggled again against the body-bind curse, but all to no avail. I could only move the muscles in my face.  
"Lucius, this is boring. Let the little brat go so we can spend some... Alone time," said a witch, sitting on a desk. Malfoy didn't even glance at her. Instead he bent to stare in my sparkling green eyes. I was only barely holding the tears at bay and I squeezed my eyes shut as his face appeared in front of mine.  
"A pity... Such a pity that such filthy blood runs through your veins little Mudblood," he murmured quietly so only I could hear. He reached out a slender hand to place underneath my chin. Disgusted and unable to hex him to guarantee him a bed in the hospital wing, I compromised by spitting on him. A large amount of my spit was red with blood.  
"Lucius, best stay away from her. For all we know, she could have rabies. Who knows what kind of diseases filthy Mudbloods carry," snorted Regulus, a wizard with dark black hair. Anger flared in me at the insults.  
The silver haired boy stood up and angrily cleaned his face with a muttered charm.  
"You'll pay for that," he snarled as he motioned to his friends, who formed a circle around me. But I could feel the body-bind spell disintegrating. I hid my fear as they leered down at me. As the last of the spell crumbled, I snatched up my wand and jumped to my feet. Six spells flew toward me but I muttered the incantation for the Shield Charm just in time. My spell was so strong, it appeared to have strengthened the various hexes and spells aimed at me. Predictably, Crabbe and Goyle had both attempted unimaginative stunning spells and looked to be barely hanging onto consciousness. Bellatrix had used an impedimenta jinx and had been knocked into the wall and actually was unconscious. Regulus and Narcissa had both attempted body-bind curses and were now on the ground, completely immobile.  
I was rather surprised at the violent curse Malfoy had attempted, it was making him bleed from several gashes, one of which appeared to be rather serious. Malfoy had tortured me mercilessly over the years, but he'd never even attempted to use anything so violent on me.  
His blood was gushing onto the floor and I stared at it distastefully, after I had disarmed and stunned Malfoy I used a cleaning charm on it and glanced over at Bellatrix who was stirring. I used the body-bind curse on her.  
I healed the worst of Malfoy's injuries, leaving the rest for him to deal with. I stepped over his motionless body and smiled down at him sweetly.  
"Yes, best listen to your friends Malfoy. I could have rabies," I said seriously and could see him struggling uselessly against my spell. Before I left I muttered a complex locking charm on the door. I was so pleased with my escape that I bumped into James, a boy in the same house as me, who I didn't particularly like.  
"Watch where you're going little birdie," he said. The nickname ignited a spark of anger. I had a reputation for my temper.  
"Shove it Potter, isn't there some girls around you need to mess up your hair for?" I snarled. James ruffled his hair subconsciously and glared at me. He had opened his mouth to retort when his friend Sirius rounded the corner.  
"Hey look James, it's Ray," he said unnecessarily.  
"I told you to stop calling me that," I said in annoyance, whipping out my wand. Sirius looked alarmed. Blood dripped out the corner of my mouth.  
"Raven what happened, you're bleeding," said Sirius, taking a step towards me. I knew his concern was fake. By now James had out his wand too, and was pointing it at me.  
"Your observational powers never cease to amaze me. Don't touch me," I snarled, standing my ground.  
"Hey that's not fair. I just wanna help, I know a good spell that'll clear that right up," he said, but stopped his advance.  
"It doesn't look like she wants your help," said a voice behind me.

I turned around to find Severus, a boy in my year, but in Slytherin. It was odd that he seemed to be defending me, Slytherins and Gryffindors were notorious for their rivalry.  
"Snivellus," sneered James, turning his wand on Severus, who also had his wand out.  
"What the hell? She's in Gryffindor and she's muggle-born. You like her?!" Said Sirius, sounding confused.  
"Nah, I just can't stand you two," said Severus viciously. And with a flick of his wand and a bark-like yelp from Sirius, he was hanging from his foot in the air. He rounded on James, but the Seeker was too quick for him and hit Severus with the tarantallegra jinx. The Slytherin boy instantly lost control of his legs, jerking around like a twitchy spider.  
"Stop it! Severus I don't need your help! Let Sirius down NOW!" I yelled at him. Surprisingly, he obeyed me and Sirius crumpled to the ground.  
"Potter! Let Severus free! He dropped Sirius," I said to James, who unwillingly obliged, muttering darkly. I paused to clear away the blood and heal my cut.  
"I don't need anyone's help," I said snappily, stalking off. James glared at me as I walked past. Sirius and Severus looked momentarily speechless.  
Later in the common room, Sirius and James returned.  
"Raven I-" Started Sirius, as if to apologize, but I ignored him, picking up my books and hurrying up to my dormitory.  
Tonks, one of my roommates and best friend was examining her silver-blonde hair in a mirror.  
"Oh please Tonks, I've told you again and again, that is just not your color," I said, exasperated and flopping onto my bed.  
"Hmm... Oh," said Tonks, finally understanding why I disliked the color so much. "Right, sorry!" She said, screwing up her eyes in concentration. "Better?" She asked, and I looked up to see her shoulder-length hair had turned a deep red color.  
"Loads," I said, satisfied.  
"Hey, so what's up with you tonight?" Said Tonks. Her perceptiveness was a source of constant annoyance to me.  
"Nothing... Boys are stupid," I sighed. I never told anyone about the weekly tortures I endured at the hands of Malfoy and his cronies.  
"Oooh... Someone crushing on you?" Teased Tonks.  
"No," I said loudly, sitting up to glare at her.  
"Alright alright! What's up then?" She said hurriedly, buckling under my stare. She took a seat on the edge of my bed, sitting cross-legged and listening intently.  
"You know what, I think Snape likes you!" She said. I chucked a pillow at her. "No in all seriousness! You should watch what you drink, that kid's way too good at Potions," she said.  
"Oh shove off Tonks. Severus doesn't like me, he just hates Potter and Sirius," I said flustered.  
"Y'know, you're like the only Gryffindor that calls him... Whatever you say Raven. G'night!" Muttered Tonks, hurriedly retreating to her bed before I could jinx her.  
"Severus doesn't like me. Sirius is right, I'm muggle-born and in Gryffindor. He can't possibly..." I muttered to myself, rolling over. But my dreams begged to differ.

Severus offered me a drink. Sirius warned me not to take it but I said I didn't need his help and drank it all in one gulp. But then Severus turned into Malfoy.  
"You're such a stupid filthy Mudblood. That drink is poisoned you'll die in six minutes," he sneered. But Severus reappeared and told me to drink something, an antidote. I drank it and Severus laughed.  
"Now you have to kiss me," he said and advanced towards me. I backed away but there was a wall behind me. Then Sirius turned up and Severus was hanging from his ankle.  
I woke up and nearly fell out of bed. Tonks' grinning face hovered above me.  
"What's that about kissing?" She said loudly. The other girls in our dormitory, Lilly and Dawn were staring at us.  
"No one, I was just sleep-talking. Had nothing to do with my dream," I mumbled, trying to push Tonks away, avoiding her eyes. "C'mon gerroff me, I gotta get ready," I said sleepily. Tonks obliged, still grinning.  
That day dawned rainy and gloomy. I had double potions with the Slytherins and History of Magic. First period charms was o.k, I'd always been really good at it and earned Gryffindor ten points for my perfect summoning charm. Sirius seemed to be trying to get my attention but I ignored him.  
History of Magic turned out to be horrible when Lily realized me and Tonks were playing hangman. She glared at me malevolently and I was guilted into listening to Professor Binns and pretending to take notes.  
Potions was one of my worst subjects and it didn't help my mood any when Professor Slughorn announced that we would be making a highly complicated forgetfulness potion.  
I was sweating from the fumes and looked into my cauldron in dismay. It had thickened to the viscosity of melted fudge and was a murky brown color instead of the lime green Lily's had turned. I glanced around furtively but to no avail. With ten minutes of class left, a crumpled piece of paper nudged my foot and I glanced down at it, debating whether or not I should grab it. In the end my desperateness prevailed and I hurriedly snatched it up and unfolded it.  
'You forgot to add the last ingredient, an ounce of salamander blood. Stir it clockwise five times after that and let it simmer for five minutes  
HBP'  
Read the curly writing. I desperately did what the parchment instructed.  
Five minutes later I marvelled at my potion, which had turned almost the exact shade as Lily's but appeared to be slightly clearer. Since my potion had turned a slightly different shade of green, I assumed it couldn't have been from her and ruled out the possibility it came from Tonks. She was sitting right beside me and was staring gloomily into her cauldron where her potion had turned a darker color than mine. I shrugged it off and followed Tonks out of the dungeon after we cleaned up.  
The next week passed uneventfully and things went back to normal. Well, not counting Potter's trying to curse me at Quidditch practice. He was the team's Seeker and I played Chaser. Adrian, the team captain, did not appreciate the attempt and yelled at him to my amusement.  
As Sunday drew nearer, I found myself dreading it. What would Malfoy do to me after I had escaped from them?  
My answer came soon enough as I was again dragged off to an unused classroom after supper.  
"Well well, I don't think the little birdie will be escaping her cage this time," jeered Bellatrix. Again they had me under the body-bind curse and surrounded me.  
Malfoy had a particularly unpleasant look on his pinched face.  
"I think I'll give you a taste of the newest curse I've perfected," he said cruelly, pointing his wand at me. "Perhaps you've heard of it. Cru-" He started to say, his voice chilling.


	3. Damsel in Distress

But his new curse was interrupted as two boys bounded into the room.  
"Relashio!" I yelled at Malfoy, who had grabbed my wrist but instantly let go. Fire spells had always worked well for me.  
There were various hexes, jinxes, and curses flying around the room and when I looked up it was to see Sirius and Remus, the latter of them had just been revived by his friend, having been hit by a stunning spell.  
"What the bloody hell are you two doing here?" I said angrily. The smile slid off Sirius's face and he glanced at Remus uncertainly.  
"Er... Rescuing a damsel in distress?" He said quietly. I glared at him.  
"I thought I'd already made it clear I don't need your's or anyone else's help. And how did you know I was here?" I said through gritted teeth.  
"I checked the room you came out of. Plus I saw you on the..." He started to explain, but trailed off at a look from Remus. What? Impossible that he had managed to get past my locking charm. No one but Lily could do that.  
I immediately lost interest in the likelihood of his story, just wanting to escape and realizing I was practically alone with the two boys. I didn't want to have to explain the whole situation.  
I made to storm out of the room, but was stopped by Sirius, who was blocking the exit.  
"Don't I even get a thank you?" He said. I glared.  
"Of course not. I didn't ask for your help, didn't want it, didn't need it. Now get out of my way before I hex you all the way to a fluffy bed in the hospital wing," I said threateningly. Sirius obliged and it only angered me more that he didn't look even a little bit frightened.  
As I stormed off, I heard Remus say, "Tough luck Padfoot".  
It made no difference that, until this year I had had a huge crush on Sirius Black, much like every other girl attending Hogwarts. In fact, I was quite thankful I had grown out of my infatuation with him when he had decided to take an interest in me. Now I knew that even if he was interested in me that way, he would only steal my heart and throw it away once I'd fallen for him, like any one of the other girls he'd 'dated'. I'd seen the girls he had used, how long they mooned over the loss of his favour. How pathetic I thought they were, the ones who wanted him. These thoughts didn't quite make me a hypocrite; I'd always despised myself for liking him.  
I was brought back to the present when I walked into a wall. I rubbed my head and glared at the little second-year who'd laughed at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Severus dash past and didn't notice the look he'd shot me as I'd just realized something. Severus WAS a brilliant Potions maker as Tonks had earlier pointed out. Could it have been...? Nah, I shook the thought from my head and continued onto Gryffindor Tower.  
For some reason, Monday's were never all that bad for me. In Charms we had been assigned a Banishment spell which I perfected as easily as I had the Summoning charm. Sirius did not attempt to catch my attention, for which I was grateful.  
In History of Magic, I ignored Lily and took a nap where I dreamed James had replaced me as Chaser and was playing Chaser and Seeker on the Quidditch team. I was watching from the stands and realized Severus was sitting beside me. He seemed to be attempting to hex James, but I managed it first and he spiralled towards the ground.  
I woke up mumbling something about not needing anyone's help. Sirius raised his eyebrows as he passed me but I ignored him.  
Even Potions wasn't that horrible. Knowing that the first match of the year was tomorrow and the Gryffindors would be too excited to concentrate, Slughorn had set us a fairly simple memory-enhancing Potion. Tonks only had to stop me adding the wrong ingredient once, when I attempted to add salamander's blood instead of the required crushed wartroot.  
That afternoon I had a Quidditch practice, which could have been better. First we had to force off the Ravenclaws. My newest hex, one that made the captain's hair burst into flames, persuaded them to let us use the pitch.  
"Nice one," said Tonks, high-fiving me. Clumsy as she was, her aim was dead on and she was one of our beaters.  
We started with the usual game of catch from our brooms.  
James complained that, as Seeker, he shouldn't have to take part in this exercise. One look from Adrian and he instantly shut up.  
He decided to attempt to vent his anger on me by chucking the Quaffle as hard as he could at me. I caught it one handed and stuck my tongue out at him before passing it onto Serenity, a slender fifth year and a fellow chaser. I could've sworn I heard Sirius's distinct bark-like laughter from the stands.  
After a while, Adrian told James to release the snitch and a bludger began darting around too.  
I had just made a perfect pass to Serenity when James suddenly streaked towards me. Apparently he was still angry with Adrian.  
"Hey wat-" I started to yell in warning.

But I was too late and he smashed right into me. Luckily, I wasn't far enough off the ground to be caused serious injury, but I still blacked out as I hit the short grass. The last thing I heard was Adrian's angry voice.  
"Raven, hey Raven, you o.k?" Asked Adrian in concern. When I came to, Adrian's face was hovering over mine and the rest of the team was crowded around me. All except for James who was scowling and muttering a little ways off.  
"Huh? Yeah. Yeah I'm fine," I said, trying to sit up, but Adrian held me down.  
"Are you sure? No broken bones or fractures or or-" He said anxiously.  
"No I'm alright. Lemme up, let's keep practicing," I said.  
"Na uh, I'm not taking any chances with you with the first match of the year tomorrow. Tonks could you take her to the hospital wing?" Asked the team captain. Tonks nodded and helped me up. James scowled at me and ruffled his messy hair.  
"C'mon Tonks, I'm fine. I don't needa go to the hospital wing, I needa practice!" I pleaded. Tonks shook her head.  
"Uh uh, captain's orders," she said, resolutely dragging me up to the castle.  
When we got there, Tonks wanted to stay but I told her that at least one of us should get some practice for tomorrow and she obliged.  
"Yeah, you'll be fine. Just had a few cuts and bruises. Already healed up," said Madam Pomfrey after she had finished applying various ointments to my minor wounds.  
"Great thanks," I mumbled, hopping off the bed. Quidditch practice would be over by now.  
"Bloody Potter," I muttered, heading to Gryffindor Tower.  
"Yes, he is a rather arrogant prat," said a voice near my elbow. I whipped around and frowned at the pale Slytherin boy standing behind me. What the bloody hell, did he stalk me for fun or something?  
"What do you want Severus?" I sighed, running a hand tiredly through my tangled black hair. He shrugged and stretched out a spidery hand clutching a slender goblet.  
"Though you might, er, be thirsty," he said, trying to sound casual. A distant warning rang in my ears but I took the drink anyways. I was thirsty.  
Severus watched me anxiously as I downed the drink, assuming it was pumpkin juice. I was wrong.  
A curious sensation trickled through my body and my heart beat faster. A distant part of me recognized it as the way I used to feel about Sirius, but much more intense.  
I dropped the goblet and it made a faint ringing sound. I didn't notice it because all my attention was focused on the boy in front of me.

I'd never taken a love potion before and didn't realize I'd been given one.  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw James glance at us, then do a double take.  
Now Severus was holding me and I distantly heard Potter's yelp of surprise as he scuttled hurriedly away.  
Severus pulled me through a door I'd never noticed before and I didn't resist. Nor did I protest when he leaned towards me. I actually leaned into the kiss, my arms wrapped tightly around him.  
When I came to, I was surprised to find myself crumpled on the floor of an unused classroom. I distantly realized it was the second time I'd passed out, but didn't give it much thought.  
I remembered leaving the hospital wing and before that James knocking me off my broom. But nothing after that except... A fleeting glimpse of a pale boy with dark hair.  
I got up and after pulling open the door, I was surprised to find it quite dark in the corridors. Obviously it was well past the time fifth-years were allowed to roam the halls.  
I anxiously peered down both ends of the corridor, but it was empty and silent. I quietly started down the path to Gryffindor Tower. I made it most of the way, but the caretaker was patrolling the corridor with the portrait of the Fat Lady. I hurriedly pressed myself into the wall, but he noticed me and strode towards the wall I was attempting to disappear into. I only just escaped him by using my memory modifier spell.  
"Obliviate," I whispered as he walked past.  
I hurried into the common room to find James comforting a distraught Sirius. At my arrival he fled to the boy's dormitory. I thought that was weird but didn't comment. James shot me a cold glare I'd only ever seen him use with Severus before.  
"Had a good time snogging Snivellus?" He asked scathingly. I stopped dead in my tracks.  
"What?" I said quietly, eyes averted to the ground. Normally I would've called him a moron and told him to get his eyes checked, but something clicked in the back of my mind, and the fact that I couldn't remember what I'd done tonight stopped me too.  
"Yeah that's right, I saw you two, quite disgusting. You with your arms wrapped around him," he said, his voice icy. This time I did turn around, staring at him, puzzled. Remus was there too, also giving me the dirtiest look I'd ever seen him use, quite unusual for the good natured fifth-year.  
"A Slytherin's bad enough... But Snape? He's not even attractive," said Remus, almost more puzzled than angry. I opened my mouth to retort, but stopped.  
"Is... Is that why I don't remember tonight?" I wondered aloud instead. The frozen look on Remus's face defrosted slightly.  
"I wouldn't put it past him... But a love potion wouldn't account for a memory lapse... Unless..." Said Remus thoughtfully, he was apparently easily convinced, or maybe he just didn't really believe I would do something like that. James, however, snorted.  
"Oh please. You believe her Remus? She's just making it up because she's embarrassed she got caught," said James disbelievingly. I felt my face flush as the implications of Remus's and James's remarks hit me. I also felt a familiar flash of anger and rounded on James, whipping out me wand in the same motion.  
"You actually think I'd so much as touch him of my own free-will?! I'm muggle-born and a Gryffindor, I'd never touch a Slytherin! Plus his hair is always so greasy you'd half expect it to drip. It's disgusting you'd think I'd actually do that!" I snarled angrily.  
"Yeah, well you always were the only one that was ever nice to him. And if you hate Slytherins so much, what's with these weekly meetings you have with Malfoy and his cronies then!" Shot back James. My anger died instantly.  
"Y-you know about th-that?" I whispered weakly.  
"I know a lot more than you think," retorted James, slightly cautious of my apparent sudden weakness.  
"Oh," I muttered faintly. "I got to... Got to get out of here," I said, more sure of myself.  
I turned heel and fled, for the first time of my life. I stumbled on the first step and almost fell, but I kept going and disappeared up the stairs.  
"How do they know," I mumbled before collapsing onto my bed from exhaustion.


	4. Quidditch

The next day Sirius took to giving me the cold shoulder, although it was less of the cold shoulder and more avoiding me. Remus seemed to want to talk to me, but I ignored him.  
Snape acted like nothing had happened and I was disgusted. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as him and I couldn't look at him. I could feel his eyes on me and I shuddered. I felt unclean. Had I really kissed him though?! I couldn't remember and it drove me crazy. James had implied I did, but I couldn't trust anything he said. I couldn't exactly ask Snape either.  
I was miserable the whole day and when Tonks asked I snapped at her, saying I was just nervous about the quidditch match tonight. It only made me feel guilty though.  
I choked on my food at dinner to discover someone had slipped a small object into my food. I had no idea what it was, but the little bit of my appetite I had left immediately disintegrated.  
I ended up heading down to the pitch early, disgusted. Sirius had chosen to sit across from me and had taken to snogging a pretty blonde girl whose name I didn't know. Since I wasn't hungry anyways, I didn't really care. I wanted to warm up a bit anyways. Tonks followed me, also wanting a bit of practice.  
When I got there, Adrian was already on the pitch, examining the conditions.  
"Hey Raven, hey Tonks, it's a bit sunny out so watch out for that. All in all, it's a pretty perfect day for a quidditch match," he said, seeing us come out of the changing room. I nodded nervously.  
"Adrian, can we kick Potter off the team?" Asked Tonks. Adrian grimaced.  
"Wish we could, but he's too good. Not to mention that broom of his... Ravenclaw's got a pretty good team this year though and we all need to work together to scrape a win," he said. About then, the stadium began to fill up and the teams trickled onto the field.  
"Right. Potter, try and catch that snitch quick. I don't fancy going up against Ravenclaw's Chasers for longer than I have to. Tonks, Zack, aim for their Seeker. I want this match over and done with as soon as possible," said Adrian once the team had gathered together. We all nodded and mounted our brooms. The whistle blew and we kicked off.  
Adrian had snatched the Quaffle and had taken off towards Ravenclaw's Keeper, a quick boy named Geoffrey. Just as quickly a Ravenclaw Chaser flew in front of him to block him and he passed it to me. I had a clear path to the goal, and once I was close enough I feinted right, chucked the Quaffle, and it soared through the left hoop. Loud cheers erupted from the crowds dressed in red. I smiled faintly as Adrian high-fived me.  
A Ravenclaw Chaser made to pass to someone else halfway to our goal, but I intercepted it and was blocked by the person who had tried to catch it. Tonks smacked a bludger and caused the girl to be thrown off course. I was almost at the Ravenclaw goal when I felt something hard connect with the side of my head. I gripped my broom tightly with both hands and dropped the Quaffle. I had to fight to remain conscious and I pointed my broom at the ground, falling much faster than I meant to.  
Just before I hit the ground and blacked out, I heard loud, distant cheering and my last conscious thought was that the game was over.  
I woke up in the hospital wing and the first thing I saw was Tonks grinning at me. I blinked a few times.  
"WE WON!" She shouted loudly. I winced at the loud noise and heard Madam Pomfrey reprimanding her. I smiled and just laughed. The team was crowded around me, all of them smiling and happy. James wasn't there.  
"See? Can't get rid of him. He's too damn good," said Adrian, almost sounding disappointed. I sat up and realized that all the pain was gone, except for a dull headache.  
"Ugh... What happened?" I asked. Tonks looked concerned.  
"That Ravenclaw Beater Rupert gotcha with a Bludger. So then I hit one at him and Ravenclaw scored 'cause Adrian was checking if you were alright and Serenity and Jacob were distracted. But then the Ravenclaw Seeker started streaking off somewhere so I hit a Bludger at him and Potter got the Snitch first," she said.  
"Great goal at the beginning though Raven, and awesome aim Tonks," complimented Adrian. I smiled faintly at his praise and looked around cautiously.  
"Can I get up or is someone gonna sit on me?" I asked. Adrian smiled sheepishly.  
"Yeah go ahead if you feel you have to," he said as I slid off the bed.  
"Well, great job everyone, I'm off to bed," I said, shuffling out of the hospital before Madam Pomfrey could realize I'd left.  
The next day was considerably worse than the last. Sirius and James had taken to insulting me whenever they could get away with it.  
"Hey Raven, how come you're always falling off your broom? Can't you fly?" Whispered Sirius in Charms. All day I had to endure their stupid taunts and insults, but I refused to hex them because that'd only be giving them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me. Tonks tried to comfort me, but at the end of the day James and Sirius had succeeded in thoroughly depressing me. I was on the verge of tears and so downtrodden that Tonks changed her face around. It was clearly a last ditch effort and only depressed me more.  
Dinner was much the same as last night's, but this time Sirius had chosen a girl with disgustingly fake black hair.  
I asked Tonks to bring me up some food and retreated to the common room, only to find Remus waiting for me.  
"Raven just listen, please," he said as I started up the stairs. I stopped, but didn't turn around.  
"Listen, I know you're pissed off and you have every right to be. And I know this is only gonna make Sirius sound like a shallow, arrogant jerk and I won't lie, he can be. But you hurt his ego when James said he saw you with Severus. Not only because he felt like you rejected him, but because you seemed to pick his enemy over him and that was one thing he couldn't accept. For one thing, he probably had a hard time believing you'd pick Severus over him, and you can't exactly blame him. But no doubt he found it hard that you'd rejected him, no girl has ever done that," said Remus calmly.  
"But Black didn't even like me, he never asked me so how could I have rejected him? And secondly, I don't believe for one second they think I'd actually touch Snape. That's just completely unfair and I'm disgusted with him and myself because I let him do that to me. I can't believe I was so s-" I said quickly, my blood boiling at the thought of Snape.  
"Raven, Sirius wasn't really sure what to do because he was trying to decide the best way to tell you, but he'd never asked someone like you before. He was nervous. I bet he would've asked you when Pr-James bumped into you if he hadn't been around. And by the way, that's why James dislikes you so much. He thinks you'd wreck their friendship. And I completely believe you about Severus. He's always been far too good at Potions and a greasy slimeball," said Remus. I calmed down a bit.  
"Yeah well Sirius-" I started loudly, but stopped when Sirius entered, the girl still clutching his arm.  
I stormed up the rest of the stairs. Not too long after, Tonks came in, bringing plenty of food.  
"Well it's always good to see your appetite hasn't suffered," she said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at the way I tore into the food.  
"Long day. Plus I had a good talk with Remus. Feel better," I mumbled between bites.  
"Oh... You talked to Remus?" Said Tonks, trying far too hard to sound casual. But I took note of the uncharacteristically pink flush on her face and her awkward expression. I only nodded, making a mental note to pursue the subject of Remus at a more convenient time.  
"I still don't see why you wouldn't just let me hex those two jerks. They were asking for it," said Tonks, flopping onto her bed and changing the subject.  
"Yeah well. Just what they want. Won't give them satisfaction knowing got to me," I mumbled disjointedly, still making my way through the food Tonks had brought.  
"Jeeze, do they not feed you at that muggle place?" Asked Tonks. I choked.  
"Don't wanna... Talk 'bout it," I muttered darkly, piling in my food.  
"I'm surprised you can talk at all," mumbled Tonks. I grinned at her.  
"Hey, you talents, I mine," I said through mouthfuls. Tonks laughed and gave me a playful shove.  
The next day wasn't as bad. I felt a bit better after the talk with Remus. But even so, I was hanging my head and not looking anyone in the eyes. The icy looks Sirius was giving me chilled my blood and I did my best to avoid his eyes in particular. This proved to be rather difficult when the two of us were paired in Defence Against the Dark Arts.

We were supposed to be practicing non-verbal spells which were very advanced. The only reason we were learning them at all was because Voldemort was more active than ever and defence was important.

I was confident I could use a Shield Charm without speaking and debated using it as soon as possible and maintaining it, but decided against this. It would be better to work on my reflexes. Or so I told myself.

The icy glare Sirius was staring at me with made me seriously reconsider my decision and chilled me to the bone. But it was too late.

"Begin!" I heard. Sirius flicked his wand. I attempted a Shield Charm but was too slow.

Sirius had used the levicorpus spell.

"Black let me down!" I shrieked as I attempted to cover myself with my robes but to no avail. Gravity was against me.

There were a few cat calls and since we had DADA with the Slytherins, Sirius didn't leave me hanging long. I crumpled to the ground, face flushed from embarrassment and anger.

"Incendio!" I shouted, forgetting in my fury that our spells were supposed to be non-verbal. The fire spell came to me naturally. Sirius let out his odd bark like yelp and put out the fire after beating at it stupidly for a while.

The teacher was calling me, but the bell rang and I stormed out, still humiliated by what Sirius had done to me.

We had Potions next and we were making a fairly simple color-change potion.

By the end of class mine had turned a hideous pink. I grimaced at it and when I glanced up, the first thing I saw was Sirius and my grimace turned into a huge grin.

After Slughorn had dismissed us, I took a flask of my potion and marched over to Sirius' table. He was deep in conversation with James. I heard my name, said with venom and took it as a cue to dump the entire flask on Sirius' head.  
"Revenge is sweet Black," I said triumphantly. He blinked at me and James took it upon himself to inform Sirius what I had done.  
"Sirius your hair is... It's pink!" He yelled loudly. Sirius frantically attempted to wipe off the Potion, but the color had already seeped into his hair. It had become a gross pink color that shifted between equally disgusting shades.  
"Is it gone?" He asked James anxiously. James snickered.  
"Ew it's PINK!" He shouted helpfully.  
Sirius glanced in a mirror and yelped, running his hands through his hair.  
"Don't worry, I'm sure the girls will find it attractive," I said seriously, turning to leave.  
"Oh no you don't," snarled Sirius, turning his wand on me.  
"Tsusortia!" He yelled. Instantly large black feathers sprouted from my back.  
"Petrifucus Totalus!" I yelled, but my aim was off and my spell hit Slughorn. "Oops," I breathed.  
"Oh nice aim birdbrain!" Said Sirius loudly.  
"Shut up dog breath!" I shot back.  
"Yeah well at least I don't make out with greasy Slytherins!" He retorted. What was left of the class was staring at us. Tonks was looking at me, obviously confused. I was thankful that Snape had been one of the first to leave. My face flushed the same shade as Sirius' current hair color.  
"What are you talking about Black?! Did that potion seep into your brain?!" Joined in Tonks.  
"Stay out of it!" I warned her quietly. But I couldn't think of anything to say and his insult was under-handed.  
I stormed off angrily, heading for the hospital wing. Tonks followed me, but I didn't notice her.  
When I got there, Madam Pomfrey only stared.  
"Um... Someone hexed me. It was... I didn't see who it was," I mumbled, refusing to sink low enough to rat out Sirius.  
"Oh... Okay. Well I should be able to fix that up... Fix it up no problem," she said unsurely, and hurried off to find an antidote.  
"What was Black talking about? He was referring to Snape, right? Where did he get that stupid idea from?" Said Tonks curiously.  
"Huh?" I replied, finally realizing Tonks had followed me.  
"What was Black talking about?" She repeated patiently. I blushed again and averted my eyes.  
"He... He was lying right?" Said Tonks uncertainly.  
I glanced at her, miserable and close to tears. I shook my head slightly, less than an inch to each side. Tonks gasped.  
"Y-you made out with Snape?!" She hissed. I looked at her reproachfully and unstuck my mouth.  
"N-not on purpose! He slipped me a love potion, I-I... Forgot about... About what you t-told me," I stuttered, not looking at her.  
"He... You what?!" She said, but was cut off by the re-emergence of Madam Pomfrey.  
"Here drink this," she said, thrusting a potion at me. I took it, but hesitated and sniffed it. Cautiously, I downed the drink and grimaced, definitely not a love potion. Tonks gave me a look as if to say that our discussion wasn't over. Potions was the last class of the day, but I had Quidditch practice soon and hurried off to Gryffindor common room, went upstairs, snatched my broom, and left quickly, ignoring Tonks the whole way.  
"I don't see why you need a broom Raven, you shoulda just kept those wings. A few flaps and you wouldn't have to waste the little bit of money you have on a broom," said Sirius loudly as we reached the pitch. James snickered. I noticed with satisfaction that his hair was still pink.  
"And how do the ladies like your new hair color?" I shot back. Sirius opened his mouth to retort but we'd reached the change rooms and I darted inside to escape his insults.


	5. Claustrophobia

Practice was horrible. I had to endure random cawing from the stands and whispered in my ear as James flew past. Eventually, Adrian just yelled at Sirius to shut up, which was quite effective. But James continued cawing in my ear until I snapped and made to smash into him.

Bastard. With his stupid fancy new broom he dodged me easily.

And every time Tonks flew by, she gazed at me reproachfully. She poked me all the way back to our dormitory, but I shrugged her off.

"I'm tired, wanna sleep. Tell you tomorrow," I mumbled lamely before pulling the hangings around my bed.

That night I dreamed that I was on my broom and pink ravens were flying everywhere. I was trying to catch them, but I couldn't.

"Haha, you're such a loser, you can't even catch a raven," taunted James, who snatched one out of the air, as if to demonstrate how easy it was.

Tonks had appeared. Even she had caught a raven and was poking it, trying to get it to tell her something.

"I… Can't," I mumbled and fell off my broom.

I woke up lying on the floor. I sat up and looked around blearily. The dormitory was empty, except for Tonks. She didn't even comment on my falling out of bed.

"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" She yelled at me, pulling me to my feet.

"Too loud!" I muttered, attempting to brush my clothes.

"No, like this!" Said Tonks loudly, bewitching my brush to brush my hair.

"Ouch!" I yelped, tugging the brush out of midair.

"Sorry… But before we go anywhere you're telling me what happened with Snape," she said. I had finished brushing my hair and was putting on various pieces of jewellery but stopped at her words.

"I don't remember what happened, he put something in it that made me forget. I didn't realize that was possible until I talked to Remus," I said slowly, jamming a ring onto my thumb.

"Oh… You don't remember anything then?"

"Nothing," I confirmed, pulling open the door.

"That sucks," said Tonks.

"Not really, don't think I'd want to remember whatever happened," I said, shivering as I climbed through the portrait.

"That's true, but I think if it were me, I'd want to know what happened," replied Tonks thoughtfully. I shrugged and snatched a piece of toast before heading off to Charms, Tonks in tow. The teacher didn't say anything when we got there, just glared as we scrambled to our seats.

I remembered something when I glanced at Remus, who had just mastered the aguamenti charm we'd been practicing.

"You've got a crush on Remus, don'tcha Tonks?" I said slyly, causing her to spray me with a wide spread-out trickle of snow.

"What?! No! 'Course not, why would you think that?" She said wide-eyed, obviously alarmed.

"Well, judging from all this snow on me and the look on your face… I'd say you do," I said smugly, wiping off the snow onto the floor. Tonks blushed.

"Well, okay… I kinda have a… Thing for him," she mumbled shyly.

"Aww, cute! Do ya think he knows?" I asked. Tonks looked freshly alarmed.

"I dunno, do you think he does?" She asked anxiously. I glanced over at him.

"Nah, I don't think he's got a clue," I said, directing a small jet of water into the bowl between us. "Do you want him to know?" I asked curiously. Tonks shook her head frantically and a few drops of ice fell into the bowl.

"Why not?! You two would make a great couple!" I exclaimed. Tonks glanced around nervously.

"No! Please Raven, don't tell him," she pleaded.

"Aw, you're no fun. Fine I promise," I said. "To not tell him today," I muttered under my breath. Tonks didn't notice as she had gone back to struggling with her wand.

"Here, like this." I took pity on her and showed her the proper wand movement.

I couldn't help but look at Remus in a different light the rest of the day. Once I had succeeded, which admittedly didn't take very long, I had to admit I could see where Tonks was coming from. He was attractive and intelligent. He wasn't like most of the immature boys his age, or even much like his idiot friends. He was reliable and honest and extremely perceptive. He could see right through a person, just like Tonks could. Unfortunately, right about the time I cam to this conclusion, Remus noticed I was staring at him.

"Uh, Raven?" He said, kinda nervously.

"Huh? Oh sorry," I said, snapping out of it. We were eating lunch in the Great Hall.

"I'd watch out if I were you Remus. She might go snogging you then say you gave her a love potion," said Sirius loudly. Remus frowned.

"Oh will you shut up!" I grabbed the last bit of food off my plate and walked off to Defense Against the Dark Arts, Tonks following after sticking out her tongue at Sirius.

The rest of the day passed torturously slowly and I was quite happy to retreat to my dormitory with Tonks where I decided to pursue the subject of Remus with her. It was still quite early so the room was empty.

"Why can't I tell him?" I asked, sitting cross-legged on her bed.

"Because… What if he doesn't like me?" She said quietly. " Hey, there isn't any way you could find out without making it obvious I like him, is there?"

"I could ask him straight out then use a memory modifier," I said immediately. I'd already thought about it. Tonks looked doubtful.

"I dunno, got any other ideas?"

"Uh… Maybe I could say you're getting really annoying and see what he thinks."

"Oh thanks," she said, rolling her eyes. "I really don't know," sighed Tonks.

"Well there's always my memory modifier if all else fails. It's gotten me out of so much trouble. Besides, I doubt he'd suspect anything. We're kinda loose friends," I said, stretching the truth in my attempt to persuade her.

"Well…" She said inconclusively.

"I'll ask him for homework help or something tomorrow and see what I can get out of him," I said happily.

"Okay, I guess. But if you mess up, I'm going to tell… Uh…" She said, pausing to search for an adequate boy. "Adrian you like him," she said finally, a triumphant look on her face. Damn. I actually did have a small crush on him.

"Fine. Deal," I said eagerly.

The next day dawned bright and sunny.

"Ahh… Sun," I mumbled upon waking, shielding my face with my hands. Tonks watched me nervously.

"Right! Kay wish me luck," I said excitedly, making to walk out of the dormitory in my pyjamas.

"Uh.. Clothes would be a good thing."

"Oh. Right," I said, getting changed quickly. I ventured down to the common room to find it empty, which didn't surprise me. It was a bright sunny day, the Gryffindors would be outside. The halls were quite empty as I made my way outside and pushed open the door. I winced and blinked rapidly as the beams of sunlight assaulted my vision. After my sight had adjusted, I squinted my eyes against the glare and scanned the grounds to find him sitting by the lake, random textbooks and bits of parchment scattered around him.

I strode towards him, but faltered briefly when I realized Sirius was sitting beside him. I hesitated for a half second but kept going. I am NOT afraid of him, I told myself firmly.

"Hey Remus, I was wondering if you could help me with something," I said casually.

"What did I tell you. Watch your back Remus," said Sirius loudly. Remus shot him a reproachful look and got up, causing bits of parchment to fall off him.

"Sure, let's go talk over there," he said, pointedly walking over to a shady tree with me. "Sorry about Sirius, but what is it you need help with?"

"Well… It's Tonks. I don't know, I know you don't really know her but you're really perceptive and well… I was wondering if you think she's been acting… Weird lately?" I said cautiously.

"Hmm… She's been acting the way she usually acts," replied Remus, apparently confused by my question, clearly expecting something more academically oriented.

"Oh, so you've noticed the way Tonks acts?" I said, a little bit too quickly. A look of realization crossed his face.

"Raven, are you trying to find out if I like Tonks?" Damn. I reached for my want but he continued talking. "No don't. I won't tell, I promise. But… I don't really know her, but I guess I'd like to. I've always found her rather intriguing. I don't know." Shit. At his words I'd only just realized my excuse for talking to him should've tipped me off to the fact that he'd guess what I was really trying to find out.

"Okay… Crap. I should've realized you would guess. Please please please don't tell her I told you," I said.

"No worries, you have my word," he said seriously.

"Alright, thanks. See ya later," I said, returning to the castle. I saw Sirius talking to Remus who had an amused smile on his face, but ignored them.

When I returned Tonks was sitting on her bed, nervously chewing on her nails.

"Yeah… Uh he said that he doesn't really know you but he'd like to. He also said you seem really intriguing," I recited from memory.

"Is that… Good?"

"Yes, it's excellent," I said, jumping onto her bed. Tonks looked nervous.

"So what next?"

"I dunno, I guess you just got to hang out with him and stuff. Go ask him for homework help or something. Ugh! I forgot, I've got detention," I groaned, remembering that I had to go clean the Potions dungeon for using the body-bind curse on Slughorn. Somehow Sirius had escaped detention.

"Alright, I got homework to do so I guess I'll go start on that," said Tonks, reluctantly getting off her bed as I rushed downstairs.

Slughorn was waiting for me when I reached the dungeon,

"Sir, I'm so sorry. I was aiming for Black but I-" I started to apologize, but Slughorn stopped me with a look.

"Yes yes, that's quite alright. I'll just have you clean up the potion ingredients cabinet," he said briskly, quickly retreating to his office. "Oh and no magic," he added before he disappeared inside. I'd had plenty of experience scrubbing things and didn't complain.

It took longer than I thought and by the time I was done I was pretty sure that the sun had set. After inspecting my work, Slughorn dismissed me.

I was walking down the corridor when I felt someone push me. I started to turn around, but then I realized I had been shoved into a very small broom closet and someone had shut the door. I froze and didn't even think to try the handle. Instead, I slid to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chin.


	6. Just For Your Attention

"What, do you only like closets when there's greasy Slytherins inside?" I heard a voice taunt. Something inside of me snapped at the voice.

"Get me out of here! Let me out let me out! I can't stay in here I need to get out! Let me out!" I screamed frantically as I jumped up and pounded on the door, tears streaming down my face.

"Raven? I don't… I can't remember how to unlock it!" Said the voice on the other side. I completely ignored it and started hyperventilating, my eyes darting around unseeing. I could feel the walls closing in on me. Could hear the rattling breathing, sucking all the air from me.

"Let me out they're gonna get me they're gonna get me!" I sobbed hysterically. I heard the voice say something and then I could see light, streaming in. I threw myself out of the closet and clung to the person standing there, burying my face in his chest. I was distantly aware that I didn't even know who I'd flung myself on. He flinched and cautiously wrapped his arms around me.

"Raven? I'm s-sorry. I d-didn't know.." I heard the voice say. I was slowly coming to my senses. They didn't get me. They couldn't get me.

I sniffled and wiped my face on my robes, letting go of the person as his arms fell away. I looked up, eyes still shining with tears.

Sirius was gazing down at me, watching anxiously. I tried to glare as I stepped back against the wall, sliding to the floor, but couldn't quite manage it. A tear trickled down my cheek instead, against my will.

"Are you happy now? Now that you know my deepest fear. Congratulations," I said coldly. Sirius looked distressed.

"I didn't want… I wasn't tr-trying…" He stuttered. This time my glare came full force.

"Well? If you want I'll keep on crying. Why don't you laugh at me? Now you've got something else to insult me with!" I continued harshly. Sirius looked upset.

"Raven I really didn't mean to! I was just trying to… To…" He said, avoiding my eyes that were still wet with tears.

"Humiliate me?" I suggested, my voice losing some of it's edge in my confusion.

"No! I was only trying to get your attention and to get back at you for what you did to me," he said.

"What did I ever do to you?! And why?" I persisted, despite a tiny voice in the back of my head telling me to stop.

"Because I want you to notice me! Because I love you stupid!" He exploded, eyes boring into me. I froze, unable to look away from him.

"W-what?" I whispered quietly, not wanting to believe it. Sirius blushed bright red and looked as if he wanted to take back his words but couldn't.

"How can you not see it? Are you blind? I love you," he repeated softly. After the shock wore off, I tried to deny it.

"You're lying," I said, afraid of the alternative. But the look on his face told me it was true. Then I blushed too and stared at the ground. "I used to have a crush on you… But you never noticed me and I gave up a long time ago," I said quietly. Sirius didn't say anything, just glanced around anywhere but my face.

After a while I had calmed down enough to realize that we weren't supposed to be in the halls. As if on cue, I heard the faint sound of footsteps. Sirius glanced up and stared at me, finally meeting my eyes, but looking at me as if assessing me.

"Quick, under here," he said, crawling towards me and throwing a thin silvery blanket over us. We were so close I could feel his breath on me. I didn't know how he thought hiding under a blanket would help, but I kept quiet, trying to focus on anything but the warm tangy scent and the nearness of Sirius. Much to my surprise I heard the footsteps grow louder (I held my breath and waited for the blanket to be thrown off of us), and then fade away.

Sirius pulled off the blanket after a moment of lingering. Sirius didn't move until he was still inches away from me and shuffled to the opposite wall.

"We can't stay here," he whispered. I only nodded as he stood up. He extended a hand to help me up but I ignored it, pushing my back against the wall. My legs were shaking and my whole body was trembling again. I stumbled and leaned against the wall until I felt Sirius take my hand. I wanted to pull away, but instead one step after the other, I allowed Sirius to lead me back to the Gryffindor common room. As the lights grew faint I unconsciously squeezed Sirius' hand and pressed so close to him our bodies were almost touching. On some level I knew I was still very much afraid.

By the time we reached the Portrait, I realized I felt safer with Sirius than I ever had. I was faint with relief that the common room was empty when we arrived. Sirius dropped my hand and it swung back to my side. We stood in awkward silence, Sirius looked particularly uncomfortable.

"Well… I guess I should… Go. I really really am sorry and I wish I could take back what I did. But I can't," said Sirius faintly. He had made it to the stairs and had only taken one step when I called him.

"Sirius… I don't wanna… Don't w-want to be alone," I said softly. Sirius heard me and stopped, turned around slowly and made his way back to me. Before I knew what I was doing I had flung myself on him as I had after getting out of the closet, arms wrapped tightly around his middle. "Don't leave me," I whispered in a voice I barely recognized as my own as it was so tainted with fear. I felt Sirius tense in surprise, but then slowly wind his arms around my waist. I buried my face in his chest, my whole body shaking again.

"I won't," he said in a voice that calmed my nerves and stopped my trembling. I swayed on my feet and Sirius gripped me tighter. "Here, let's sit down," he murmured, leading me to a couch after I nodded faintly.

"D-do you want to tell me why you were so freaked out?" Asked Sirius cautiously, watching me closely. I closed my eyes to escape his penetrating gaze. I felt like he could see right through me and it terrified me. I opened my eyes again, but he was still staring at me. I hesitated.

"It's okay, you don't have to if you don't want to," he said hastily. I stared at him reproachfully.

"No, it's okay. I want to tell you," I said after unsticking my mouth. "It was something that happened when I was a child. I was six… Or maybe seven. I had stayed late at school because I didn't want to go home, and I knew the other kids would… But that's not important. Anyways it was dark when I finally left and I had to go through a back alley. I was terrified and I heard a… A rattling breath," I said, pausing to take a deep breath of my own. "I felt… Cold. Everything was suddenly freezing. I felt it moving towards me and I backed into the wall. I d-didn't know what they were…" I said.

"Dementors," breathed Sirius. I nodded. "I know there was more than one. Then I was pushed back and it was like I was paralyzed. I couldn't move if I wanted to," I continued, having to pause so I could breathe deeply. Sirius looked like he was going to tell me to stop, so I ploughed on. "And then.. I felt cold clammy hands, holding me in place. The last thing I remember is a flash of light and a silvery object that drove the creatures off. That's all I remember because I blacked out," I said, finally finished. Sirius pulled me into a hug and I flinched at the contact, but didn't pull away.

"Raven Raven, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I never knew," he said repeatedly, stroking my hair.

"It's okay though. They didn't get me," I murmured, more to myself than to him. Sirius pulled away slightly to stare straight into my eyes, smiling faintly.

"No, and I won't ever let them," he said. I smiled shyly at him and my eyelids flickered slightly.

"I'm… So tired," I said quietly.

"Well… Will you be alright by yourself now?"

"I… I don't know," I said truthfully, stopping myself from lying when I realized I didn't want to be apart from him. "You said you wouldn't leave me," I said, my tone almost accusatory.

"I won't," he said, reaching for my hand. "It's just… I can't get into the girl's dormitory and I can't bring you into mine."

"Can't we just stay here?"

"I… Suppose. Not all night though," replied Sirius. I nodded in agreement. Now that that had been decided, I realized how close we were and that Sirius was actually leaning towards me. I realized what he was going to do half a second too late and his lips touched mine. Instinctively I pulled away. Sirius was blushing.

"I'm sorry I didn't even ask or anything. And you only said you used to like me, you probably don't anymore. I'm sorry," he mumbled, embarrassed and not looking at me. But I wasn't afraid anymore.

"Ask me," I whispered. Sirius looked up at me.

"Can… Can I kiss you?" He asked quietly. I hesitated but I knew there was only one answer.

"Yes," I whispered softly. Sirius closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine. I fought the urge to resist and pull away and instead kissed him back. I felt his hands go around my waist and wrapped my arms around his neck. The weirdest feeling was coursing through my veins but it wasn't unpleasant. In fact it was quite the opposite, it was warm and comforting and exactly what I needed.

After a while I pulled away.

"Sorry. I'm just… Too tired," I said, tucking a strand of loose hair behind my ear as I yawned. Sirius just smiled and pulled the piece of hair back out. He had the weirdest look on his face. He pulled me towards him and I curled up against him. My last conscious thought was of how warm he was.

I woke up in my own bed and stretched. The sense of loss that suddenly shot through me confused me. Something was missing, but I didn't know what. The dormitory was empty. I yawned and rolled out of the bed and promptly fell onto something soft which yelped in protest.

"What the?!" I said, jumping off it in surprise. Sirius watched me with bleary eyes.

"Morning sunshine," he said, smiling slightly at the horrified expression on my face.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Gah, I kept forgetting to put this section in. Anyways, I just wanted to thank everyone that's been reading this, and everyone who's been nice enough to review. I've been very surprised by the response this story has gotten since I myself am not very fond of. In fact, the only reason I put this up was because my friend InariSushi said she'd post hers, even though she still hasn't. So I wrote this two years ago, and there's only one more chapter to go before I run out of pre-written stuff, so I really better get going on this... It's always so hard to get into something when you haven't been writing it for ages. Thanks again!

* * *


	7. Jennifer

* * *

Dang! I thought I'd figured out how to put pictures in here, but apparently not. Does anyone know how to do that? I put the html code into the html coding thinger, but when I save it it disappears... o.O Don't know if I've mentioned this, but Dawn is her character. She's told me she'll be posting her story sometime this weekend, so go read it once it's up! It crosses over with this one. In the meantime, go read her other stories. So anyways, this is the last of the stuff I've written, but I wrote a bunch more this weekend. As well, I've decided to update on Thursdays, so there you have it. One of my readers pointed out to me that James was actually a chaser. Which annoys me. WHY THE SNITCH THEN? Stupid J.K. Oh well, thanks for pointing that out, but I'm going to leave him as seeker. It's more arrogant anyways. Thanks again to everyone who's bothered to read this and review. Love you!

* * *

"Why are you… How did you get in here!" I sputtered. Sirius just yawned.

"Oh it was easy. See…" He said, trailing off and hesitating. "Well I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm an animagus," he said, grinning as he sat up.

"Yeah right, I heard McGonigall talking about that. It's really complicated, no…" I started disbelievingly, trailing off in surprise. A big black dog was sitting beside my bed, tail wagging and tongue lolling. It got to its feet and rubbed against my legs. I nudged it and it jumped on my bed and curled up.

"No! Get off of there!" I hissed at him as he obediently hopped off and transformed back to a fifth-year Gryffindor.

"Okay… Well then I guess the more important question is… HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SNEAKING INTO GIRL'S DORMITORIES!" I shouted. Sirius looked hurt.

"I only did it once before… I only just managed the spell at the end of last year," he mumbled, not looking at me.

"Sirius, why are you in my room?" I asked quietly, surprising myself. Sirius looked up at me, looking surprised and maybe… Disappointed?

"Y-you don't remember last night?" He asked me. I shook my head. I'd been so tired. "Oh," said Sirius sadly.

"Why what hap- Oh my god!" I said as everything came back to me.

"I'm sorry Raven, I never meant to fall asleep here and I didn't mean to… To," he said, looking ashamed.

"No its okay and… Thank you. You didn't have to stay with me."

"But it's my fault you were so afraid in the first place!"

"No… You didn't know. You couldn't have known. Nobody knew," I told him.

"Can you fix my hair?" He asked suddenly, sounding anguished. I laughed.

"In all honesty Sirius, I've no idea how. I'm rubbish at Potions."

"Could you at least try? Please?" He whined desperately.

"I might make it worse, but I could try," I said, reaching for my wand. After a few tries, I had managed to get it stuck on a bright red color.

"Better…" He said, glancing in a mirror.

"Oh! I know!" I exclaimed, remembering a spell I'd used before when I'd had a horrible dye job. I had to think for another minute before I remembered the spell. Instantly his hair turned black.

"Yay! Perfect!" He said happily, running his hands through his hair and bounding over to give me a quick kiss. Tonks chose that perfect moment to burst through the door.

"Oh good! You're a… Wake," she said, blinking and mouth dropping when she saw Sirius. "Woah woah woah. What?!"

"Oh yeah I can explain this. We have a new transfer student in our school named uh… Jennifer and she's uh taken a polyjuice potion so we could play a prank," I tried.

"But I don't like the name Jennifer," whined Sirius stupidly. I glared at him.

"Uh what she means is she doesn't like the name Jennifer and prefers to be called Jen," I said quickly. Tonks looked doubtful.

"But that doesn't explain the kiss, and there's already four girls in our dormitory," she said unsure.

"Well.." I said, but I'd run out of excuses and Sirius had nothing to contribute.

"Yeah, not buying it," she said after a moment, more confidently. "Plus no one's seen Black all morning," she added, almost as an afterthought.

"Okay it's Sirius. But I can explain I really can! Please don't tell anyone!" I pleaded desperately.

"Does it really ma-" Started Sirius but I shut him up with a look.

"Go on," she said, waiting. I hesitated. Should I tell her the truth or make something up? And would Sirius to jump in the way he hadn't when I tried to explain this mess away.

"Well… Last night on my way back from detention I was really scared and I bumped into Sirius, who comforted me. When we got back everyone was asleep, so Sirius came up here to stay with me. And that is why Sirius is in our dormitory," I said, deciding on the truth and finishing lamely. Tonks stared at me disbelievingly.

"Right so out of nowhere you were suddenly terrified but then the most kind and noble Mr. Black decided to make you feel better and you realized you really loved him all along?" Said Tonks sarcastically, causing Sirius to protest.

"Oh shut up," I told him irritably. "Okay, well Sirius shoved me in a closet and I'm claustrophobic but Sirius didn't know. So he felt really bad and stuff," I said grudgingly. Tonks looked surprised.

"Even I didn't know that. Okay, I won't tell, but I'll leave it up to you two to figure out how to get down to the common room," she said smugly, walking out the door.

"Well that went well," commented Sirius.

"Ugh. How are we gonna get down?" Sirius blinked.

"Hello, animagus here," he said, waving his hand in my face and quickly transforming into the bear-like dog. He trotted down the stairs behind me and when we arrived the first and second-years looked a bit nervous. Tonks looked shocked while some of the older kids crowded around.

"Sweet dog Raven! What's it's name?" Asked a boy in my year that I remembered teasing me my first few years here. I decided not to pass up an opportunity to tease Sirius.

"Oh, her name's Jennifer but she likes Jen better," I said, struggling to hold back a laugh.

"Hey can I pet her?" Asked Serenity as I nodded. Sirius looked pleased with all the attention he was getting so I dragged him off.

"Sorry guys, me and Jen are going for a walk," I told them.

After we had ducked into a classroom Sirius changed back. He was staring at me reproachfully.

"Oh c'mon you had it coming," I laughed.

"Bloody hell. Jennifer.." He said distastefully. I shrugged and kissed him to shut him up.

"You talk too much, anyways, you can't go back right aways else it'll look suspicious. Go to the library or something."

"Fine," he said, leaving to presumably go to the library, placated.

I returned to enquires about Jen.

"Oh she's my… Mom's dog. But she went away for a week, so she sent her to me. Good seeing her again," I lied expertly. Tonks looked like she wanted to talk. I sighed and walked over to her, anxiously tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Was that dog Black?" She asked after dragging me back to our room. I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I didn't believe it either but apparently he's an animagus," I said, but that wasn't the most important question she had, and far from it.

"What the bloody hell happened last night! And why were you snogging him!" She exclaimed. I opened my mouth to say I'd already told her, but she impatiently cut me off. "And not that vague as hell crap you told me earlier," she snapped. I started to get angry.

"Y'know, I don't have to tell you anything," I said, flustered.

"Yes you do! I'm only your best friend! You know what? Fine, don't tell me," she said angrily.

"Fine!" I retorted.

"Fine!" I heard her yell as I slammed the door shut and started down the stairs. I felt sick and angry. I'd just yelled at Tonks. The one friend I had that stuck by me through everything. And it was Sirius' fault. All his fault.

I stormed off to the library, but by the time I'd gotten there I was less angry and more miserable. Sirius wasn't in the library by then, but Remus was.

"Where's Sirius, I need to talk to him," I said in a small voice. Remus looked up from his work at my tone.

"You okay Raven? You look kinda sick." I sighed.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just need to talk to Sirius."

"I don't know… I think he said something about going for a walk by the lake," said Remus helpfully.

"Okay thanks," I said, leaving Remus to his work.

Sirius was indeed sitting by the lake when I got there. He looked up at me questioningly. I sat beside him and ran my fingers through my hair anxiously.

"Me and Tonks had a fight," I said before he could ask, eyes on the ground.

"Oh? About what?" Asked Sirius, as clueless as ever. I glanced up at him.

"You. She wanted to know what happened last night and I said I didn't have to tell her everything…" My eyes were back on the grass.

"Oh… Sorry." For a long time we sat in silence, neither of us looking at the other.

"It's okay. It's my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at her…" I said after the silence became unbearable. Sirius shifted awkwardly. I could feel tears forming behind my eyes and blinked them away angrily. I wished Sirius would hold me and tell me everything would be alright and hated myself for it. Something about him made me feel so weak.

"Raven and Black?" Drawled a cold voice behind us. I flinched. Sirius whipped around.

"Oh hey Malfoy. Hmm… Nope, none of your business," he replied, his voice icy. I knew there was no escaping it and slowly turned around to face my tormentors from the past five years.

"You're pathetic Sirius. Really, disgraceful enough that you were put in Gryffindor, but sitting with a filthy mudbloood? And I thought you could sink no lower after that Po-" Said Bellatrix heatedly but was cut off as Sirius hit her with a spell that caused her to keel over and curl up on the ground. I was somewhat surprised to see years of suppressed anger gleaming behind his black eyes as he glared down at his cousin in contempt.

"Don't ever call her that," he said, his voice dark and quiet and dangerous.

"Sirius it's not worth it, they're not worth it," I said in a futile attempt to calm him.

"Yes it is. That's a disgusting word and I never want to hear it again," said Sirius, as if daring someone to repeat the insult. Regulus looked disgusted and Malfoy was sneering.

"I'm glad we don't have filth like this in our family. So sorry Regulus, but you mustn't blame yourself. He could have come from any family," Malfoy said arrogantly. Regulus looked sick.

"I'm ashamed of the family I came from. They're all arrogant prats that think they're better than everyone else because of the supposed pure blood that runs in their veins. You strut around like kings among peasants when you're no better than anyone else. No, you're much worse than everybody else. I'm sick and tired of this pure-blood rubbish so just bloody well leave me alone and you can all go to bloody hell!" Ranted Sirius angrily. Regulus looked as if he'd been slapped; Malfoy was angry.

"You're pathetic. Pathetic and despicable. You don't deserve to be a Black," snarled Regulus, finally goaded into speaking.

"I'd just as soon as not be," spat back Sirius.

"Come Regulus, let's not suffer this embarrassment any longer," said Malfoy, barely managing to keep his voice calm and emotionless. Regulus nodded, turned away, but then he had whirled around, pointing his wand at Sirius. I saw Regulus' mouth open and Sirius raise his wand, but I was quicker than both.

"Incarcerous!" I said, drawing my wand in on fluid, practiced motion; instantly ropes sprang about Regulus, binding him tightly and forcing him to the ground. "Get him out of here," I said to Malfoy, who was becoming quite flustered in his attempts to vanish Regulus' binding. In the end, he scuttled off, leaving his friend to struggle against the ropes I'd conjured.

"C'mon Sirius, let's go," I said quietly. Sirius was staring down at his brother in disgust and contempt. "Sirius," I said again, pulling at his sleeve. He glanced at me, almost as if he was surprised I was there.

"Okay," he said, his voice almost a whisper.

I led Sirius back to Gryffindor common room, pausing occasionally to turn him the right way. By the time we got there, it had emptied out and only a few people remained. I pulled Sirius over to a corner away from the remaining Gryffindors.

"Well?" I said, watching him closely. He glanced up at me, clearly upset. "Sirius are you okay?" I asked, surprised at the intensity on his face. He squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face in his hands.

"I don't want you to see me like this." I barely heard his muffled words. I bit my bottom lip nervously. Although I didn't notice it, the whole common room had emptied out.

"Sirius, you've seen me cry. Look at me," I said quietly, gently reaching out to touch his arm. He looked up, no doubt at least partly due to the guilt he felt from seeing my tears and partially causing them. I leaned forwards to wrap my arms around him. He pulled me close and clung to me. It wasn't long before he stopped his slight trembling and I untangled myself from his grip.

"What's wrong Sirius? This can't just be that they called me a mu- a you know what. That word doesn't even bother me. I didn't grow up with it. It means nothing."

"But I did and I do care! It's this pure-blood crap all over again. It's a filthy word and it's everything I hate about my family. I was born into a family that believes they rule the world. Anyone that's not pure-blood is dirt to them. You should've seen what my father did when he found out I got put in Gryffindor. Last summer I stayed with James' family it was so bad. If they knew I was… Well no doubt Regulus will tell them. I'll have to hope James' parents will let me stay with them again. To my parents, this is the ultimate betrayal and everything else pales in comparison." An awkward silence followed.

"Well then wouldn't it just be easier to…" I said, the silence bothering me but unable to complete my sentence. Sirius stared at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"You can't possibly be saying what I think you're saying," said Sirius, obviously appalled by my unfinished thought.

"I dunno… But wouldn't it be easier?" I repeated hastily. Sirius shook his head frantically.

"No! That could never be easier. I hate them and I'd never do what they want. Besides, I wouldn't leave you for the world," he said sincerely. I bit my bottom lip again.

"You know, my mom's the exact opposite of your parents. She hates witches and wizards." I decided that the talking had gone on long enough and in one awkward movement, I leaned forward to press my lips to his. Although surprised and disarmed, he recovered rather quickly as he wound his arms around me.

"I knew you'd be here! Everyone's loo-" said a voice behind me. Instantly I felt Sirius' arms hastily withdraw.

"Oh hey James. Yeah… Me and Raven were just talk…" He started to say, trailing off hopelessly at the look on his friend's face.

"Why were you just snogging Raven?" Exclaimed James. Sirius looked at his friend reproachfully.

"Prongs…" He said quietly, as if to remind him of something.

"No Sirius! I don't care what you say, things won't ever be the same again!" Yelled James. Without knowing the details of their argument, I knew the subject was me.

"See Sirius? All I'm doing is causing problems," I said sadly, getting up to retreat to my room.

"No Raven, you're…. You're not," said Sirius feebly. But we both knew his words were a lie and I took the last few steps at a run. Distantly, I heard a yelp as a boy slid down stairs that were no longer there. The sound didn't even register. I was just causing problems. I screwed up my eyes against the tears. They came anyways as I heard voice and stared at the door, eyes wide.

"Colloportus," I whispered, forcing all my sorrow and despair into the four syllable word. I sniffled, wiped at my eyes. I was so sick of crying, what was wrong with me? I haven't cried this much in years, I thought with disgust. I hated this newfound weakness; loathed it. I heard a far away voice call my name and it triggered new feelings of self-hatred. Why do I need him? He's just a boy and I don't need him, I never did before and I don't need him, I repeated in my head, but to no avail. I did need him and the idea shamed me. I'd never needed anyone. No one but myself.

"Raven…" Called the voice weakly. It sounded as though the person was leaning on the door. I heard a scuffle and Lily's hurried whispers. Then stunned silence.

"Raven?" Came the voice again, nearly devoid of all hope. I didn't care anymore. I needed him. But only for a little bit.

I pointed my wand at the door and murmured something. I raised my eyebrows as the door remained shut. I muttered again, this time almost a frantic, purely an urge, a plea for the door to open. The doorknob even turned.

Instantly, three figures fell into the room, but I saw only one, who was scrambling to his feet as the others hastily retreated. In a heartbeat he had bounded to my bed and sitting across from me, his stony gray eyes flashing.

"Raven you're not causing problems, you're not! James will understand, he'll come around just wait and my family… If it'll piss them off all the better," he said hurriedly. My head dropped and I slumped forwards. I didn't want to look in his eyes. Mortal eyes never lie. Sirius reached for me, but I pulled away.

"No Sirius it's not right," I said, the words slipping out. His eyes and his expression were horrible. They were shiny with unshed tears. He looked wounded and betrayed. I hurriedly looked away.

"But it is Raven it is! We can work it out, we can… You don't feel the same way?" He said in a voice drowning in sadness. I contemplated lying.

"I… I do," I said, trying to make my voice unhearable. He heard.

"You're sure? I… I know. Raven you have to do something for me, okay? Just one thing and I… I promise I won't ever bug you again. Please," he said, his voice laced with newfound confidence but trembling at his last words.

"Sirius I…" I started, preparing myself to deny him. But I made the mistake of looking into his eyes again. They leaked desperation and insecurity.

"A… Alright. One thing," I said doubtfully. Sirius radiated hope.

"Okay, kiss me," he whispered.

"W-what?" I stuttered, alarmed and mentally kicking myself for not realizing what he would ask. He leaned closer, his lips half an inch from mine.

"Kiss me," he breathed.

"Kiss you," I echoed quietly. I'd promised. With one quick motion, I closed the gap between us. I intended to only briefly allow our lips to meet, but instantly my plan was discarded in the infinite softness of his mouth.

It seemed like one minute we were sitting there talking, and the next minute a sleepy and thoroughly confused Dawn had stumbled into the room. I jumped, almost slipping off the bed. Sirius snatched at my arm and pulled me beside him, keeping my clumsiness from causing any damage.

"S'going on? Can I go… Sleep," she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes.

"Oh crap! Dawn, I'm sorry! Yeah, of course," I said immediately, thanking the darkness for hiding my face.

"Raven 's a shadow 'side you. Lily and Tonks are mean," she said dazedly, collapsing onto her bed, asleep within minutes.


	8. Hogsmeade

"Shit. You have to go Sirius. I didn't even realize it was this late," I said worriedly, pushing him away. I put a hand to my mouth as a huge yawn escaped me. He looked at me thoughtfully.

"So we're good now?" He said, somehow unconvinced. I gave him a weird look and nodded, sighing. Sirius grinned and bent forwards to kiss me.

"Night. Thank you," he breathed when we broke apart.

"What're you thanking me for? Now go on, shoo!" I said, waving my hands at him. Sirius bounded off the bed, not bothering to transform. I heard him yelp joyfully as he slid down the stairs when they melted away beneath him. I rolled my eyes and smiled at his childishness. A tentative Tonks shuffled inside a few minutes later, followed by Lily.

"Raven?"

"Mmm?" I replied stonily, stupid in my stubbornness. Tonks sighed and flopped onto her bed. A long silence followed, in which Lily had clambered into bed and was snoring as steadily as her friend Dawn. I lay down on top of the covers, hands beneath my head and stared up at the ceiling, unwilling to be the one to cave.

"Okay this is stupid. You're so ridiculously stubborn. I'm sorry okay? You don't need to tell me something that you don't want to. It was just so unexpected Raven, ya know?" Said Tonks softly in irritation. I smiled slightly. So predictable. My eyebrows creased and I remained silent for a minute or two, contemplating my friend. It was just too impossible for us to be angry with each other, even if I could never admit it. I was lucky to have her, I didn't know of many others that would put up with my tantrums of silence. I suddenly pounced onto her bed and hugged her.

"No, I'm sorry. It's not a big deal really. I was just flustered. It all happened so fast," I said, sitting up cross legged on her bed. Tonks laughed and shoved me playfully.

"Friends?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she replied, smacking me with a pillow.

The next day dawned bright and sunny, and far too early for my tastes. Tonks and I had spent much of the night quietly discussing recent events, and I had plotted ways for her to develop her relationship with Remus. I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow against the glare of the morning. The damage had been done though, and I rolled over again to discover an empty room. Not even Tonks had awaited my awakening. I glanced over at the clock and groaned. The day hadn't dawned all that early after all. Today was also the Hogsmeade trip, I suddenly remembered. I jumped out of bed and quickly dressed, cursing Tonks as I did so for not waking me. I flew down the stairs and past the near empty common room, where a few of the younger students watched me race past with a startled look on their faces.

I arrived just as my name was called.

"Here!" I called breathlessly, turning to glare at Tonks.

"Why didn't you wake me up?!" Tonks blinked at me, surprised.

"Well sorry for assuming you could manage the trying task of setting an alarm or getting up before lunch time," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. I shot her a dirty look and mumbled something under my breath, unwilling to sacrifice our friendship after we'd just made up. Sirius sauntered over and flung an arm around my waist.

"Hey there, nice of you to make it," he said. I wiggled out of his grip, a pale pink creeping into my cheeks. He watched me curiously.

"Aw, you're blushing!" He cooed, as others watched us in puzzlement. A few girls watched jealously as I wriggled uncomfortably under his attentions. Sirius paid them no mind, nor did he acknowledge the look of pure venom James shot him.

"I'm hungry," I mumbled distractedly, walking over to snatch up some toast from a table. I chewed it thoughtfully, watching the reactions of my classmates to Sirius' sudden attentions to me. I shifted awkwardly, uncomfortable under their curious gaze. Oblivious to everything else, Sirius reached for my hand and I let him take hold of it and tug me along to where everyone was leaving the Great Hall for the trip.

"Catch you later then?" Called Tonks. I waved, trying to keep myself from blushing as Sirius continued to pull me along. While in Zonko's, we ran into James.

"Oh c'mon mate. This is getting ridiculous. Why don't you go chase after Lily or something. This doesn't change anything, we're still best friends," Sirius said in exasperation. I bit my lip nervously. James scowled. "Why don't you hang out with us today. You might realize Raven's not so bad after all," he suggested. James shrugged sulkily and wandered away as his friend rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, can't figure him out. Oh well, let's head over to the Three Broomsticks. It's pretty chilly out." I nodded in agreement, shivering against the early December wind and huddling closer against Sirius.

"Oh what have we here. Hey Raven, didn't know you were dating this loser," said Severus, sitting on a stool and watching us walk in. Sirius growled. I frowned angrily.

"Yeah, some of us don't have to resort to sneaky love potions you slimeball," he said furiously. I shuddered at the reminder.

"Don't, let's just leave" I said quietly, pulling at his sleeve. He shrugged me off and took a threatening step towards Severus, who was on his feet now. I noticed Dawn sitting on a stool beside Severus' recently vacated seat and blinked in surprise. She watched anxiously, getting up when Severus stepped towards Sirius angrily. She tugged at Severus' sleeve the same way I'd tried to pull Sirius away.

"Severus stop it," she said pleadingly. I watched with confusion, I hadn't known they were friends. Or was that all they were? Sirius pulled his wand out and I shook the thoughts away, focused on stopping what was about to happen.

"Sirius don't! You're going to get us thrown out," I warned, my voice low. Severus sneered, slipping out his own wand. James materialized out of nowhere.

"Snivellus," he sneered, stepping beside his friend. Rosmerta noticed the tension in the air and hurried over to us.

"Now now boys, we'll have none of that. Don't make me toss you out into the cold," she said distractedly. Sirius grinned at her.

"Nothing to worry about, just taking care of this scum," he said, motioning with his wand to Severus. She frowned.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave then. I won't stand for this kind of behaviour in my establishment. Now out! Shoo!" Rosmerta waved the boys outside, who grudgingly went. Dawn and I followed. I glanced over at her curiously, but I had other things to worry about right now.

"Now where were we?" Said Sirius menacingly, brandishing his wand at Severus.

"Oh really. I've had enough of this rubbish. Stop it right this instant!" I said angrily, stomping my foot. It wasn't enough, as James had used a spell that caused Severus to squawk uncontrollably.

"What's that? Baw-kaw! Chicken," he taunted. Severus snarled and used his levicorpus spell so that James was hanging in the air upside down. Dawn watched worriedly.

"Severus! Oh, let him down. Please," she said to Severus anxiously.

"Ugh, this is ridiculous," I muttered in annoyance, stalking off. Sirius followed later, catching up after making sure James was let down. James was a few steps behind his friend, a furious expression on his face. He opened his mouth as if to start ranting, and I sighed and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Let it go. I don't know what that kid's problem is."

"Gah, I hate that stupid spell of his."

"By the way, that was a good one you pulled. Didn't suit the greasy slimeball, but it was pretty amusing," said Sirius, eyes twinkling. James grinned.

"Oh? You liked that did ya? Found it in this book…" He said proudly.

"You? Reading?" Said Sirius, eyes widening in mock surprise. James shoved him playfully.

"Yep. It's been known to happen from time to time. So hey, look I'm sorry about this whole thing. You're right, it is stupid. I don't know what came over me. I just… I dunno," he said, shaking his head. Sirius smiled.

"It's okay. So hey, how's Lily?" James' eyebrows furrowed in irritation.

"Eh… She's just playing hard to get. One day…" He replied, trailing off. I laughed.

"I don't get it. Why do you like her so much? She doesn't seem like your type, all bookish and smart," I asked him, glad that James was over his sulking. He paused and looked thoughtful for a moment as a slow stupid grin spread over his face.

"Well she's pretty. She's really pretty. And she's so sweet and kind and I just really like her," he replied dreamily. Sirius laughed and ruffled his friend's hair.

"One day eh James? How about today?" He pointed across the street to where Lily huddled against the cold, glancing about. James grinned broadly and ran a hand through his hair unconsciously. He strode across the street confidently and Sirius and I watched him, laughing softly. We watched as Lily scowled at his approach, but James appeared undaunted. He put a hand against the wall and leaned towards her, but Lily's scowl darkened. He said something to which she replied angrily. He leaned away, looking puzzled at the rejection as she stalked off. He shuffled back towards us slowly, glancing back at Lily's retreating figure. James sighed.

"Tough luck. Maybe next time," Sirius said encouragingly. James wrinkled his nose.

"I don't get it! Why doesn't she like me?"

"Well, she thinks you're an arrogant, stupid, nasty, prat," I pitched in helpfully, having overheard many a rant on this very same subject.

"Ah, it's hopeless. She'll never like me," he said, depressed. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't give up. She'll give in one day. Who wouldn't like a handsome boy like you," he said, pinching his friend's cheeks and cooing. James batted his hand away irratibly.

"Oh shut up. My ego just took a blow and I'm trying to be angsty here," he complained. Sirius shrugged.

"Wanna go to Honeydukes?"

"You bet!" Said James happily, instantly perking up.

"Too easy. He's such a kid," Sirius mumbled under his breath, leading the way to the sweets shop. James had completely forgotten the rejection of Lily by the time they got there as he flitted about the shop happily. Sirius grabbed my hand and started swinging it as he looked around the shop with a slight disinterest. His mind was still on the encounter with Snape and he couldn't for the life of him figure out the other boy's fixation with Raven. It irritated him to no end and a frown formed on his face just thinking about it. Suddenly he realized my hand was no longer clasping his and he looked about the crowded shop. I'd seen the look pass over his face and decided to leave him to his brooding to follow after James, surprised to find that I rather enjoyed being around him when he was so happy. It was almost infectious and he didn't even seem to mind my company, laughingly pointing out a new creation, something called Slithering Chewies ('_look real but taste delicious! Fool your friends'_).

"There you are! Nice of you to just wander off without me," said Sirius, sneaking up behind me and scowling. I smiled at him and pointed to the Slithering Chewies.

"Look!"

"Oh neat! These are great," he said, happily scooping up a few with a mischievous look on his face.

"Ha, and he thinks James is easy," I murmured under my breath, smiling. He didn't hear me, busy discussing with his friends the possibilities for pranking the new creation presented. I listened with half an ear, I loved snakes so I didn't even consider that they might try anything on me. While glancing around the store I noticed Tonks and Remus. A huge grin split my face and I called to them. Tonks looked at me, cheeks pink. Anyone else would have thought it was a result of the cold outside, but I knew better. They walked over to us, both looking awkward.

* * *

Notes: Ooh, I just remembered to put this up. . I didn't spend any time looking it over, so if there's typos or something, that's why. Inari finally put up her story! Huzzah! So you should go read it. It has Raven in it later on, as well as Dawn, who is her character. Also, I apologize for the angstiness of the last chapter. I meant to change that, but I couldn't figure out what else to do with it so I just left it. Sorry!


	9. Another Encounter With Slytherins

"Hey Remus! Look at this!" Said James excitedly, showing his friend the snakes and completely oblivious to Tonks presence.

"So," I said, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Tonks laughed at the ridiculousness of the look on my face and her blush deepened.

"So what?"

"You know…" I said, wiggling my eyebrows again. She glanced behind her at the boys.

"Ravennn! They're right there," she murmured anxiously. I waved her concerns away.

"And you really think they're paying attention? You poor naïve girl."

"Well. They could be. You don't know that," she whispered, still nervous. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. We'll just be going then," I said, wiggling my eyebrows for the third time in two minutes. She whacked me in the arm playfully.

"Don't do that! It's creepy," she complained. I laughed at her obvious discomfort and tugged at Sirius' arm.

"C'mon. I want that butter beer now," I said. He frowned.

"Well let me pay for this stuff first. Did you want anything? And don't you think that greasy creep will still be there?"

"Uh, hello. You both got kicked out. I'm sure Madam Rosmerta will let you back in though. Just do that puppy dog thing. And no thanks, I just want something to drink," I replied, pinching his cheek and cooing as he practiced his puppy dog eyes. "So cute! She'll be powerless to refuse you," I said happily. Sirius grinned.

"No one can refuse me," he replied confidently, paying for his stuff and waiting for James to pay for his. His friend had collected a great assortment of chocolates and candy. I raised an eyebrow at his hoarde.

"What? I need something to cheer me up after that whole thing. I don't understand how she can resist me. Most girls can hardly keep their hands off me!" He mused. I'd thought he'd forgotten all about the Lily episode, but apparently he hadn't.

"Oh yeah, so sexy," I teased him, ruffling his hair. Sirius scowled in mock disapproval.

"Hey now! Don't go stealing my girl Potter."

"Now why would I go and do that mate? All I want is Lily," he replied, sighing in frustration.

"Kay let's go," I said, waving goodbye to Tonks and Remus. James finally noticed that his friend was with a girl and shot him a puzzled look. As long as he'd known his friend, he'd never bothered with girls, though there had been plenty willing to date the attractive and intelligent boy. "Let's go now," I repeated, pulling James away before he could start up with Remus.

"Okay jeez! Just relax," he mumbled. We got there to find Lily sitting with Dawn at a table in the Three Broomsticks, chatting over mugs of steaming butter beer. James' eyes wandered over to them immediately and his eyes went all glazed as he stared at Lily longingly. She noticed him staring and shot him a disgusted look, turning away quickly to talk hurriedly to her friend.

"Oh get over it," I said in annoyance, shoving a butter beer into his hands. He glared at me.

"You don't know what it's like! Just leave me alone," he said, skulking off to a table across the room from Lily's.

"Oh brother. She HAD to be here," said Sirius, sighing. "Ya know, I really don't get why Lily won't give him a chance either. I mean, sure he's a bit arrogant, but so what? Doesn't matter to most girls," he said musingly, more to himself than to me.

"That sort of stuff matters to Lily though. Plus it doesn't help that he's always pulling pranks on everyone and getting into trouble. That sort of thing isn't likely to endear him to her," I replied knowledgably. Sirius mulled the information over before following his friend to comfort him. I decided that James really wasn't a bad guy, in spite of his many flaws and headed over to Lily and Dawn's table.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I asked, casually taking a sip of my butter beer. Dawn brightened at my arrival.

"Hi Raven! How's it going? Lily was just r-" Dawn started to explain cheerfully. I could see that she was glad to have someone else to talk to, having grown tired of Lily's complaining.

"Hello Raven. So you and Sirius are dating now huh? Strange, I always thought you two hated each other," said Lily, interrupting Dawn, even though I'd already known what she was about to say. Her words echoed in my head and I realized something. She was right, and furthermore, didn't she hate James? Granted, he certainly didn't hate her, but still… I snapped out of my thoughts, realizing that they were both staring at me, awaiting my answer.

"Oh well. He's really not so bad. He can actually be kind of sweet when he wants to be," I said, brushing some hair out of my eyes and blushing slightly. I was still uncomfortably talking about it. Dawn smiled at my explanation.

"Aw! Well I think you two are just the cutest together! Although admittedly, Sirius can be a bit of a jerk sometimes," she said brightly.

"Not to mention that Potter he hangs out with," said Lily, seeing an opening in which to rant about James.

"Yeah, hey about that, listen, he's really not such a bad guy. Yeah he is pretty arrogant, but I mean c'mon he is pretty cute. And he's totally head over heels for you. Why don't you give him a chance?" Lily's jaw dropped at my praise of him. This was clearly the last thing she'd expected from me, likely assuming I would be sympathetic to her criticism.

"Yeah well, if he wasn't such an absolute JERK, maybe I'd consider it. He's such a show off, and a nasty git as well. To THINK that I'd even give him the time of day! Why, he's nothing but a nuisance," she said with feeling. Dawn looked alarmed, not wanting the subject to return to the object of Lily's displeasure, she cast about for a suitable topic change.

"Nice er.. Weather we've been having," she said anxiously. We both stared at her.

"What are you talking about? It's freezing!" I exclaimed. I always known Dawn was a little bit… Well strange, to tell the truth. Despite that, she was a really sweet girl, if at times letting people walk all over her.

"Um yeah. Uh, well… Hey are you guys going to the Yule Ball?" She tried for a more effective switch in subject. Lily brightened.

"Oh yes! I can't wait. I heard they booked this muggle band for it… What were they called. Um, oh yes! Abra Cadaver are supposed to play," she said. Dawn's jaw dropped and she stared at Lily in shock.

"But that's my uh… father's band! He never even told me! I had no idea, I- well, this is going to be strange," she said in surprise.

"Your dad's in a band? Oh wow that's so cool. Are you going to go Dawn?" I asked curiously. She nodded, still pondering over the information she had just received.

"Are you going with anyone?" Lily asked. Dawn looked thoughtful.

"Oh well. I don't know. Probably not, I mean that'd be nice. I think. Oh, I really haven't got a clue. That'd be kind of dorky wouldn't it? To go by myself?" She mused.

"Of course it wouldn't! You have to come, I'll do your hair and make-up and everything," said Lily excitedly. I rolled my eyes. Girl talk. Yawn. I decided to pursue the topic of James, causing Dawn's anxiety to swing from one thing to another.

"So anyways, about James. He really likes you Lily. Like really likes you. It's actually kind of pathetic. But give him a chance would you? He looks so depressed every time you shoot him down." Lily sighed.

"I don't know Raven," she said, stealing a glance over at James, who was moping in a corner as Sirius tried to cheer him up.

"Just give him a shot. He's been after you for how long now? Don't you think that kind of perseverance deserves something?"

"Uh no, not really. He's so selfish and vain and and and… Oh I just can't stand him," she said, getting all worked up and scowling. I sighed. I could see this was a wasted effort and decided to give it one last shot before giving up.

"Yeah but Lily, he's really cute. You can't deny that. And he is pretty funny. Well, sometimes. He's pretty smart too, when he wants to be. I think you might like him if you gave him a chance," I tried, preparing to give up. Lily sighed and snuck another glance at James, who caught her eyes this time, but quickly looked away. She scowled.

"Well. I don't… All right. I guess I'll give it a shot. How bad could it be?" She said, frowning as she realized what she'd said and thinking about just how bad it could be.

"Great! Thanks. I'll just be getting back now. Catch ya later," I said, scurrying over to Sirius and James, beaming.

Lily turned to Dawn who was smiling encouragingly, sighing.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

"What are you so happy about?" Said Sirius, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Oh nothing," I replied, still smiling. Sirius' eyes flickered from me to the table where Lily and Dawn sat, then back again.

"Right, then what were you talking about with Lily and Dawn?" He said, still suspicious.

"Oh this and that, the Yule Ball, you know, girl stuff," I said dismissively. His eyes perked up at the mention of the annual dance.

"You'll go with me right?" I tilted my head to the side and pretended to think about it.

"Well. Yeah," I replied. James scowled at us.

"Hello? Friend in pain here?" He mumbled in annoyance.

"Oh stop being such a drama queen."

"I am NOT a drama queen Raven! Do not dismiss the depths of my sorrow so easily!" He remarked angrily.

"Oh what was that? Talk to me when you have real problems," I said, sipping my butter beer happily. James just mumbled incoherently and Sirius patted him on the head.

"Yeah, that's enough moping from you. We went to Honeydukes to cheer you up only so you could be all depressed again? Snap out of it mate. She'll come around. Just stop being such an arrogant prat all the time and maybe she'll give you a chance. Lily's a nice girl, there really isn't any reason for her not to like you, just stop being an idiot," he said, giving his friend a pep talk. James scowled.

"She hates me! I'll never get a chance with her," he proclaimed dramatically. I started, seeing Lily walking over to us. I hadn't expected her to do anything so soon. James had his back to her and so whirled around when she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Lily?" He said, his eyes and face lighting up at the sight of her, and she wasn't even scowling or angry at him this time! Her mouth twisted and she mumbled something that he didn't hear. "What was that? Speak up dear, I can't hear you." She sighed.

"Could I talk to you for a moment?" She said, looking as if each word pained her. I grinned as James leapt out of his chair and walked with her for a few steps. Sirius cocked his head in confusion, wondering what had come over Lily. He suddenly rounded on me, suspicion in his face.

"Did you do this?" He questioned in wonder. I nodded slightly.

"Heh."

"Aw! Thanks Raven, you're fantastic," he said happily, enveloping me in a tight hug and kissing me. I pulled away, blushing at his affection when it was given to me in such a public place. I cursed silently, annoyed as I felt the heat creep into my face.

"Aw. You're so cute when you blush," he cooed, leaning towards me for another kiss. I waved him away in annoyance, watching Lily and James intently. After a minute, James all but skipped back to our table, looking delighted and slightly cocky.

"You're never gonna believe this. She just asked me to the Yule Ball! I'm so excited," he said happily, taking a slurp of his butter beer. "Knew she couldn't resist me." Sirius smiled.

"See? There ya go! But really it was beca-" He started, stopping mid sentence as I shook my head slightly and gave him a warning look. "Because you're just so sure of yourself. Confidence is sexy. Right Raven?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes Sirius. You're so sexy," I replied obligingly. He grinned.

"It's all about confidence," he repeated, leaning back in his seat and putting his hands behind his head. James nodded, glancing over at Lily and smiling suggestively. She rolled her eyes and returned to her conversation with Dawn.

I'd like to say that the rest of the trip passed uneventfully, but that just didn't happen. I groaned as we encountered Lucius and his gang walking in the street. I kept my head down, hoping they wouldn't notice us, but Sirius snarled as they walked towards us.

"Jeez, must we run into everyone I don't want to see today?" I mumbled under my breath. Sirius glanced at me.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," I said quietly as Lucius walked over with a malicious sneer, trailed by Regulus, Narcissa, and Bellatrix.

"Hey there mudblood, enjoying the fresh air?"

"Malfoy. I thought we settled this last time, when you scuttled off like the little coward you are," I said, a flush rising in my cheeks, angered.

"Don't you talk to her like that," growled Sirius, stepping in front of me. Color crept into Lucius' face at my jibe.

"You watch who you speak to with that filthy mouth of yours, little birdie," said Bellatrix threateningly. James stepped over to stand at Sirius' side.

"How boring. You Slytherins just don't know when to quit," said James in an uninterested tone of voice. I noticed his hand go to his pocket as Sirius pulled out his own wand. Bellatrix already had hers out.

"Really, this is getting ridiculous. Why can't you just leave me alone? I've never done anything to any of you. Just stop already," I said matter-of-factly, calmly withdrawing my own wand and hexing Bellatrix while Sirius got Lucius with a stunning spell. I'd used a Bat-Bogey hex on Bellatrix, and she was frantically batting at the things as they attacked her. James had also tried to get Lucius, but Regulus hit him with an impedimenta jinx, and he was flung backwards. I glanced at James distractedly and Sirius used a body-bind curse on his brother. We both ran over to where James was sprawled on the ground, anxious to see if he was alright.

"I'm fine," he said impatiently, waving us away. He indeed did seem to be nothing but a little short of breath. Sirius pulled his friends to his feet. I stared down at the Slytherin boys in contempt as snowflakes began to fall gently from the sky, coating the boys like a vanilla frosting. I noticed Remus walking with Tonks and he happened to glance our way, then did a double take. He shook his head and I could almost hear his sigh as Tonks noticed us as well and came over to see what was going on.

"Honestly, you guys just can't stay out of trouble," he said in exasperation, staring at the two boys collecting the snowflake frosting. By then Bellatrix had been chased off and was nowhere to be seen.

"Well they st-"

"It's not m-"

"I didn't d-" We all started to protest at the same time. Remus waved away our objections, pondering the situation.

"You've got to stop with the hexing and all that. You all could get in serious trouble," he said reproachfully. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Oh Remus. You're such a goody two shoes. They were asking for it," he said to his friend.

"I've had enough of Hogsmeade for today, let's just go," I said quietly, stepping over Malfoy to leave.

"But what about these two?" Protested Remus as James and Sirius followed me. I threw an uninterested glance over my shoulder and shrugged.

"They'll be fine," I assured him as Tonks watched with amusement as the snowflakes continued to fall on the two, twinkling in the afternoon light. Lucuius twitched as one landed on his nose and instantly melted. Remus ran a bit to catch up with us, glancing over his shoulder and frowning, Tonks beside him.

The next day dawned bright and early, far too bright, and far too early in my opinion. I squinted against the light streaming in through the windows, groaning.

"C'mon Raven! Get up! We've got quidditch practice today," said Tonks from over where she was grabbing her broom and inspecting it carefully.

"Ugh again? This early? Why does Adrian hate me so?" I complained, getting up and covering my yawn with a hand. Tonks rolled her eyes at my dramatics.

"It's nine o'clock. That's hardly early. Dawn's been up for hours."

"So? Jeez, what, was she up at the crack of dawn?" I snickered at my lame joke and rummaged through a pile of my clothes that had been shed onto the floor, like so many old scales. I frowned at the thought as it fluttered through my mind and extracted a rumpled t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. I smiled at the thought of what Lily would think of the treatment of my clothes and yawned again, heading to the bathroom.

"Hurry up!" Tonks called as I slammed the door.

"Hurry up," I mocked tiredly, my voice high pitched as it flittered through the door. Unbeknowest to me, Tonks rolled her eyes again.

"Meet you at the pitch!" She said, and I could hear her footsteps as she left.

"Yeah yeah," I murmured to myself, pulling on my clothes and stepping back into the room to grab my broomstick.

"Raven, nice of you to join us," said Adrian, eyes dark.I munched sullenly on a piece of toast.

"It's early," I said between mouthfuls. "Besides, I'm only what, 15 minutes late?" I pointed out.

"Uh huh, it's true, she is," nodded James in agreement. Adrian glanced at him suspiciously.

"All right, enough of this. We're playing Slytherin in just a few days and you know what that means," he said, his eyes glinting malevolently. "Pound the little buggers into mince meat," he continued, pounding his fist into his hand for emphasis. I wiped the crumbs from the toast off my robes and smiled vindictively in agreement as the rest of the team nodded and headed out to the pitch.

Halfway through practice, I saw James diving around for the snitch and Sirius cheering madly. Distracted, I didn't see the bludger Zack had hit towards me.

I woke up to an angry looking Adrian leaning over me and an anxious Sirius standing beside him.

"What is it with you woman! Are you trying to get injured?" He said unhappily, glaring. Sirius frowned at him.

"Oh so now you're mad at me for getting hurt?" I said incredulously, wincing as I tried to sit up. The movement sent a throbbing through my head.

"Well c'mon Raven! Get your head in the game! We've got a match against Slytherin tomorrow. I can't have you injured. Take her to the hospital wing," he said in annoyance. I groaned.

"Not again, I'm fine. Honestly!" I protested as Sirius tugged me off the pitch.

"You don't have to be mean about it, she's not doing it on purpose," he said over his shoulder to Adrian reproachfully, who just sighed in response and started to mutter to himself.

Sorry this is so late everyone. . I just wanted to write a bit more and make it a bit longer... Plus I had to go out somewhere. Don't foget to read InariSushi's story, A Touch of Light, featuring her very own Dawn, and my Raven! I'm so excited, we're going to write the Yule Ball together! Hehe. Also, Inari has drawn pictures of some of the characters. This is the link to Raven .com/art/Raven-HP-Fanfic-102032514

You can also look in her gallery for pictures of her characters Dawn and Jeremy. Also, I wanted to change the name of this story, but I couldn't come up with anything in time. . Maybe for the next chapter... Also sorry for the lameness of the name of this chapter. Couldn't think of anything else and I wanted to get it up.


	10. Stubborn Stupidity

"There's nothing wrong with me, I'm perfectly fine," I complained in annoyance. Sirius ignored me and continued to pull me towards the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey looked up from where she was attending to one of her patients and frowned at the sight of me.

"You again? You kids and your Quidditch," she said, clucking her tongue.

"Well it's not my fault. I'm perfectly fine. Adrian keeps sending me here for no reason at all," I huffed in annoyance.

"And that's as it should be. You never know what damage can be done," she said, hurrying over to examine me. "Ooh, that's a nasty lump on the head you have there. A few bruised ribs as well. Took quite a fall I take it?" She murmured, talking more to herself than to me or Sirius. I fidgeted while she took her time making sure everything was healed until she scolded me. I jumped up when she proclaimed she was finished. I looked out the window in dismay, seeing that the Gryffindors had left the pitch already, to be replaced by the streaking green and silver figures of the Slytherin team. I scowled darkly, marching back to the common room.

"That's the last time he sends me off to this bloody hospital wing," I swore under my breath. Sirius chuckled and put his arm around me.

Later that day, I sat on the bench beside Sirius, anxiety making my food suddenly strangely unappetizing. Today was Sunday. I tried not to be obvious, but Sirius caught my occasional glances at the Slytherin table where Malfoy was deep in conversation with his friends. Sirius frowned at me, and after shoving another bite of potatoes into his mouth, asked what was wrong. I shrugged and stared down at my food.

"You keep looking at the Slytherins. What's wrong? Did Malfoy threaten you? Did Sna-" He started to question but I shook my head furiously.

"It's nothing," I said quietly. Tonks glanced at me from across the table and snorted.

"Yeah right. You never eat like that. What's up?" She said, joining in on the interrogation. I frowned slightly and slowly ate another bite of roast beef.

"I said it's nothing. Drop it would you?" I said, a hint of anger creeping into my voice. Tonks looked down at her food and mumbled something that I didn't hear. For the rest of supper, I made a concentrated effort to eat as much as I could, avoiding Sirius' eyes the entire time. When I knew I could eat no more, I lingered at the table, slowly drinking my pumpkin juice. Sirius had finished a while ago and although I had told him to go back to the common room without me, he'd stubbornly refused. The last drops of the juice slid down my throat and landed in my stomach like drops of lead.

"Go, I've got some stuff I needa do. Just go," I said quietly.

"But Rav-" He started to protest.

"I'll see you in the common room," I said, my voice low and angry. He frowned at me and got up silently, leaving without a backward glance. A knot twisted in my throat as I remained glued to my seat, waiting until he was out of sight. I took a few deep breaths and got up slowly, following the direction he had went but knowing I'd never make it to the common room. As I passed through the arch, I heard a hissing sound and felt my hair being yanked. I wheeled around to find a glowering Regulus. Lucius laughed coldly.

"How noble. Not prepared to let your new boyfriend fight your battles for you?" He said as I was tugged away. I bit my lip to keep the harsh retort from spilling out. Lucius pinched my lips. "I asked you a question mudblood," he hissed into my ear. I glared at him, but refused to give him what he wanted. He shoved me into the room and I stumbled, falling to the floor. I started to get up, but I felt hands pushing me back down. I looked up to find Regulus' wand inches from my noise and an ugly look of hate contorting his features.

"You filthy little mudblood," he said, his voice low and shaking with anger. Lucius watched him carefully. "Too long has my brother pranced about, befouling the noble name of our family with his indiscretions, and now this? That even he would sink to such a level," he continued. I said nothing, head lowered. They'd taken my wand and there was nothing I could do to prevent an attack anyways. I felt more than heard the impact of his words and wondered for the thousandth time why I was subjected to this meaningless torture. I wasn't the only muggle born in the school, was it because of that day on the train? That was ages ago. I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve any of it, I thought to myself angrily. I lifted my head to glare at Regulus. He took this as his cue to unleash his spell on me.

"Sectumsempro," he said quietly, and immediately large gashes were gouged into my skin. I gasped as the pain washed over me, flooding into every inch as it flowed down into the carpet, staining my clothes. I slumped forwards, trying to catch my breath and biting my lip to keep from crying out.

At that moment, I heard the door fly open and shouts echoed around the room. Jets of light streamed past me and I blinked, shutting my eyes against the lights. Everything went blissfully black, the voices fading like so much white noise.

I awoke in his arms and blinked up at his worried eyes. I felt a dull throbbing pain, but it was mostly in my head and much better than it had been before. All I remembered was Regulus' curse, and the awful look in his eyes. I shivered at the thought and Sirius stroked my hair and whispered soothingly.

"Are you alright? Why did he do that to you? That little snot nosed brat. He'll pay for what he did. Him and all those others. I'm so sorry Raven. It's my fault," he said angrily. I closed my eyes tiredly.

"It's not your fault. It wasn't because of you," I murmured. Suddenly I was angry and my eyes snapped open.

"Why did you come? I didn't ask for your help. Sirius! I told you to let me be," I said, watching his anger melt and smooth into a puzzled expression.

"This again? Didn't you know what he did to you?! Why won't you let anyone help?" He said in confusion. I scowled and struggled out of his arms, pushing him away.

"I don't need anyone's help," I muttered in annoyance. I felt the soft bed beneath me and assured myself with a quick glance that I was in the hospital wing for the second time that day. The ward was starting to get much too familiar. Sirius moved closer to me and reached out to touch me, but I shuffled away from him, out of his reach and scowled.

"You're hopeless," he said in annoyance, getting off the bed. "Here's your wand," he said, throwing the wood onto the bed and walking out of the room without a backward glance. I clutched my wand and shivered at the sudden coldness I felt at his absence.

"Sirius had no right to intrude. I was just fine," I muttered to myself, pulling the blanket around me and curling into a ball. Nonetheless, it was hours before I slipped into a light sleep, Sirius' face the last thing I saw in my mind's eye.

"Oh Raven, is it really so hard to stay out of trouble?" I awoke to the sound of Tonks' voice and opened my eyes, only to blink them in discomfort at the streaming sunlight. I moaned and sat up, hurriedly lying back down when my head began to throb in protest.

Tonks, Lily, and Dawn were seated around my bed. Sirius' absence hit me far harder than it should have and I chastised myself silently for it. Dawn was fiddling with her hands anxiously and Tonks looked upset.

"You're awake," she said in surprise.

"Are you alright?" Asked Dawn in concern.

"What happened?" Questioned Lily. I waved away their questions and closed my eyes, not liking their staring.

"I'm hungry," I said, eyes still closed. Tonks laughed.

"Not too badly damaged I see," she said. "Here." She handed me a bowl of porridge drizzled with honey. I sat up again, wincing at the pain but too hungry to care. I wolfed it down and sighed contentedly, placing it on the table beside my bed.

"Wait what time is it?" I asked suddenly.

"It's 8," replied Lily promptly.

"So early?" I groaned, rolling over. Tonks grinned.

"I know, it's ridiculous. Dunno what you're doing awake."

"Need… More… Sleep," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Alright, well we should get going anyways. I'll see you later," said Tonks, getting up from here seat.

"Feel better soon Raven," said Dawn seriously, following Tonks.

"Yeah, Adrian will kill you if you're not well enough for the match in a couple days," said Tonks over her shoulder.

"Oh I'll be more than better by then," I said grimly.

"I hope you feel better soon," said Lily, echoing Dawn's words as she followed the other girls out of the room. I rolled over onto my side and sighed, snuggling deeper into the blankets and willing myself to sleep. It did not come so easily, and I rolled around in the blankets uneasily.

I woke up and yawned, sitting up with no accompanying flash of pain. Madam Pomfrey hurried over to where I was swinging my legs off the bed and getting up.

"Yes, everything's healed nicely. I'd prefer it if you'd stay here longer and rest, but I know you have studies and classes to be getting back to," she said irritably. I nodded and stretched.

"Well thanks for everything," I said. She nodded.

"Try not to end up here so soon again," she called after me as I went into the bathroom to change. I rolled my eyes as I quickly pulled on my clothes. My stomach growled at me unhappily and I left the room in a hurry. On the way I ran into Tonks, who had a plate full of sandwiches and fruit. She blinked at me.

"Oh. Up already? I brought you this," she said in surprise, shoving the food at me.

"Fanks," I said, mouth full as I bit into a sandwich. Tonks didn't even laugh this time, as she was so used to my eating habits, and merely winced slightly at the mass of food my mouth revealed.

"Ew," she mumbled to herself. I ignored the comment and chewed happily, walking towards the Great Hall. I stared silently down at my plate and continued to eat, sitting near the end of the table away from Sirius, after a quick glance to ascertain where he was seated.

I wasn't really sure why, but I was still mad at him. The humiliation of being so helpless still burned through me. I hated how much of my weakness Sirius had seen. It made me feel so vulnerable, to know that someone had seen the made me cold and irrationally angry. I didn't look up when I heard the sound of a plate hit the table in front of me.

"Why are you mad at me? I don't understand," he said softly, frustrated. Tonks glanced at us, and moved to away to sit by Dawn. I shook my head, not entirely sure of the reason myself. "This isn't fair. Why can't I help you? It's not fair. Nobody should endure that, why are you mad at me for helping?" He continued, his voice growing louder. I glanced around cautiously and shrugged, still not meeting his eyes. He sighed and there was silence for a moment.

"Raven?" He said gently. I chanced a look at his bewildered face, hurt written plainly in his features. I frowned and looked away.

"It makes me angry," I said simply, continuing to eat slowly. I shot another look at him to gauge his reaction. Sirius shook his head in irritation.

"Why?" He persisted. I hadn't an answer for him, so I gazed at my plate helplessly. I could tell he was starting to grow angry with me, as a result of my unsatisfactory answer. "Why won't you look at me?" He plunged on, a hint of anger coloring his words. I looked up and met his gaze, my eyes narrowed.

"I don't like to feel like I need someone. Anyone."

"Why? Everybody needs help sometimes. Everyone needs somebody," he said in annoyance. I shook my head slightly and drained the last of my pumpkin juice.

"See ya around," I all but whispered, getting up and heading to class.

Tonks seemed to want to discuss something in Charms, but I waved her away and pursed my lips, listening to Professor Flitwick's lecture on something called the Fidelus Charm, an apparently very complex charm that allowed the subjects of it to stay hidden with the help of a Secret-Keeper.

By the time we got to History of Magic, Tonks took the hint that I wasn't in the mood for talking. Instead, she tried to get a response by passing a note my way, but I frowned at it and crumpled it up, sinking onto my desk with my head in my arms. I was getting real tired of all the drama real fast. It didn't matter that this latest difficulty was the direct result of my own stubbornness. I really had no reason to be mad at him, if anything I should be grateful. I just couldn't find it in me to accept what he had done, let alone thank him for it. I chanced a glance at Sirius. He was scribbling moodily on a piece of paper, oblivious as was most of the class to the professor's ramblings. He didn't notice my eyes on him, but James did and frowned at me. He started to mouth something, but I hurriedly looked away, avoiding his puzzled eyes.

The rest of the day passed slowly, as if the clocks had forgotten the proper speed with which to spin round. I relaxed a bit in Arithmancy, my last class of the day, glad that neither Sirius or Tonks was in my class. I still paid only a little attention to the class, my thoughts drifting away like butterflies to rest on subjects that had very little to do with numbers. Lily nudged me reproachfully and I pretended to take notes for the rest of the class, choosing to doodle and write random scraps of thought as they came to me. Lily however, seemed satisfied, immersed as she was in her own diligent note taking.

I retreated to my room after class and stayed there, not going down to the Great Hall for supper. Tonks bounded into the room a while later, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Aren't you hungry?" She asked. I shook my head as my stomach growled.

"Shut up," I mumbled in annoyance. Tonks just stared at me like I'd lost my mind.

"Well I didn't bring anything for you because you're being stubborn. And really silly. Get over it already. I don't know what happened and I'm not gonna bug you to tell me because you're already in a bad mood. But anyways, there's a new boy that transferred to Hogwarts," she said, only half-excited about the news she'd brought me. I slipped out of my sulkiness a bit.

"Really? What's he like?" I questioned curiously. She scowled at me.

"Well why don't you go down and figure that out for yourself?" Tonks said snappishly. I sighed.

"I just don't want to, okay? Besides, I'm sure Dawn or Lily will tell me when they get back," I said confidently.

"Yeah but in the meantime, what're you gonna do about food?" She said smugly. It was my turn to scowl at her.

"I'll manage…" I mumbled, wondering as I said it what I was going to do about my hunger. I wriggled around impatiently as Tonks slipped away downstairs, wondering what this transfer student was like. Out of sheer boredom and anxiety more than anything else, I pulled out some of my homework and spread it out on my bed, the papers fanning out, a frown of disappointment. I felt a similar expression tug the corners of my mouth, and stared at the Potions assignment in agitation.

_Describe several love potions and the advantages and disadvantages of each. Also discuss the nature of the main ingredient, something of who you wish to bewitch_.

I pulled open a Potions book and grudgingly looked up one of the potions. Before I could get any further, Lily and Dawn entered the room.

"Raven did you hear? There's a new boy in our house!" Said Dawn happily. I cocked my head in curiosity.

"Yeah I did, what's he like?" I asked, eager to hear about him. Dawn looked thoughtful.

"Well, he's," she started to say, but Tonks burst into the room.

"Oh, don't tell her," she said irritably. Dawn looked at her, puzzled.

"But why not?"

"Because she's being a stubborn prat. If she wants to know she can go find out for herself," she replied calmly. Dawn frowned.

"Come to think of it, I didn't see her at supper either. There must be a reason she's hidden away up here," she said, smiling at me and sitting on her bed.

"That's right, what's wrong Raven?" Asked Lily, taking off her earrings and laying them neatly on a table beside her bed. I shrugged.

"Don't wanna talk about it," I mumbled, my voice barely audible. Lily frowned, but didn't pursue the matter.

"You're mean, why can't someone tell me about the new boy?" I whined, packing away my homework, having lost the brief desire to get some of it done. Tonks glowered at me.

"Because you're being a git," she said simply.

"How do you know it's my fault?"

"Well I… Oh. Good point. But you'd tell me if it was because of… Someone else," she said confidently.

"Fine then," I said in annoyance, wiggling under the covers with my clothes still on and pulling the hangings around my bed closed. "Be that way," I mumbled.

* * *

Notes: Here you are! Nice and early.

Hehe. Raven's so ridiculous. ^_^ She doesn't even make sense. Anyways, the Yule Ball has now been changed to the Millenium Masquerade, as I'm stupid and overlooked the fact that that ball is only for the Triwizard Tournament. So, the school is celebrating a thousand years of being open. And it's a masquerade/costume ball. Because that's more fun.


	11. Tapping, Tapping at my Chamber Door

I awoke the next morning to an angry stomach, growling at me like a hungry street urchin. I groaned and got up, stretching. I was surprised to find that Dawn was the only one up, who seemed equally astonished that I was up at such an hour.

"Hungry," I murmured to her, by way of explanation. She smiled at me, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Of course," she said quietly, nodding. I managed a weak smile in return before it fell off my face in the sudden eruption of a yawn.

"So early," I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes and stumbling to the bathroom to pull on clothes and get ready. After I'd hastily thrown on some clothes and mumbled a good bye to Dawn, I headed downstairs, yawning again.

I reached the Great Hall and rubbed at my eyes sleepily, slipping into a seat at the Gryffindor table. A few seats down and on the other side of the bench sat a chubby boy with blonde hair, looking anxious. I blinked and gazed at him blearily. I hadn't seen him before, despite that he looked old enough to be in my grade. I slid down the bench until I was across from him. He blinked at me nervously and seemed to sink into his seat.

"Hi, I'm Raven, are you the new kid?" I asked, as brightly as I could at such an early time. He smiled slightly and nodded, eyes darting around. There was only one other kid at the table.

"What's your name?" I asked, slightly annoyed that he hadn't just told me.

"Peter," he said quietly. At that moment, bowls of porridge appeared on the table and I smiled at them happily, quickly pulling one over and drowning it in honey. I was oblivious to all else for a few moments, but then noticed that the boy wasn't eating, and that he was merely staring at me with a mixed expression on his face that I couldn't quite identify. I guessed it to be mild amusement, and… Fear maybe? Weird, couldn't be. I made no effort to slow down and was just starting on a second bowl when some of the other Gryffindors started to trickle down to the table, looking dazed and sleepy. Among them were Dawn and Lily. They spotted me and came over to sit by me.

"Hello Peter," said Dawn politely. Peter replied quietly, and I noticed a very slight flush rise in his cheeks in between bites of my porridge. Tonks came down about 15 minutes later to sit on the other side of me. We exchanged a mumbled greeting, and Tonks grabbed some food while I bit into an apple. I was taking another bite when a hand attacked my head, scruffing up my hair. I gasped, biting my tongue, and turned around to glare at Sirius.

"Sirius! You made me bite my tongue," I complained in annoyance.

"Oops, sorry. Are you still mad at me?" He said, unconcerned for the wellbeing of my tongue. I narrowed my eyes at him and continued to eat my apple. Peter was watching us curiously.

"Hi Sirius," he said quietly. Everything about him was quiet. It made me suspicious.

"Oh hey Peter," replied Sirius distractedly, sitting beside him. "Well?" He said, clearly oblivious to the look I was giving him. I sighed.

"Just shut up," I said, a hint of anger leaking into my words. He frowned, almost angry himself.

"You're so bloody ridiculous. Any other girl would've thanked me."

"Yeah, well I'm not any other girl! How long will it take you to figure that out?" I shot back. Sirius scowled and stormed away from the table. Peter had been watching the whole exchange while slowly chewing on a piece of toast and now he set the toast down. I frowned and tossed my apple core into my empty bowl. James came down to the table a few minutes later, looking distraught.

"Bloody hell. It's too early for that kinda thing. What happened now?" He said sleepily, sitting beside Peter who he acknowledged with a nod. I scowled.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," I said darkly. James looked annoyed, but turned his attention to someone else at the table.

"Morning sunshine. Sleep well?" He asked Lily sweetly, who snorted in response. When it was clear she meant to give him no other answer, he continued. "I slept well, thanks. I can hardly wait for the Millennium Masquerade, how about you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Give it a rest James, don't push your luck," I advised him as Lily's look darkened. I got up, figuring I might as well get to Divination early. Maybe I could take a bit of a nap in one of the chairs by the fire. The thought made me sleepy as I trudged wearily up the steps to the tower. Professor Cicero had yet to arrive and I sank gratefully into one of the armchairs.

"Raven? Raven, wake up please," I heard a quiet voice say. I opened my eyes and shifted on the chair. Professor Cicero was standing over me, her silky red hair cascading over her shoulders.

"Sorry Professor," I said, yawning and sitting up. The rest of the class had arrived by then and were snickering at me.

"What is it you dreamed of?" She questioned, moving back towards a larger armchair situated in the middle of the classroom. I struggled to remember, but the fragments of it slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. I rubbed at my eyes.

"I don't remember," I replied honestly. She nodded and mumbled something to herself. Dawn smiled at me from her chair.

"Hi Dawn," I greeted her.

"Hello. Did you sleep very much last night?" She asked in concern.

"Not really. Doesn't help that it's so warm in here," I replied. She nodded in agreement and we both were silent as the Professor began the lesson. It had something or other to do with crystal balls, and I paid little attention, dozing lightly. Dawn made no attempts to wake me and let me sleep, for which I was grateful. Lily wouldn't have been so kind, and I was thankful she found little use for Divination. I myself thought it was only marginally interesting, but it had sounded useful and I wasn't one for quitting.

I spent the rest of the day napping whenever I could; losing Gryffindor five points in Herbology for my failure to tend to the plant I was sketching properly and apparently endangering the class. That the plant was dangerous was news to me and Tonks shrugged in response to the questioning look I gave her. All in all, I was relieved when it was finally over and I could slip upstairs to my bed.

"Dinner time!" Yelled Tonks, her grinning face inches above mine. I yelped and rolled over, but she pulled the covers away from me. My stomach reminded me that Tonks was correct and I trailed her down to the Great Hall. Sirius had gotten to the point where he was just ignoring me. I watched with a detached interest as Peter laughed at James' and Sirius' stupid jokes and eagerly soaked up their stories. They seemed to be enjoying the attention. Remus was watching, a bemused, but slightly bored expression on his face, having either been there or heard about it a million times before. I hadn't even realized it, but suddenly it hit me that his indifference to my presence hurt so much more than his anger. If he was mad, it still meant that he cared about me, but this… This was so much worse. I stared at my food for a while before eating the last bite, despite my loss of appetite. I got up slowly and risked a glance at Sirius, still entertaining Peter with his tales. By chance our eyes met, but he quickly looked away and I felt the sting of it. I felt hollow and I walked back to my room quietly, moving fast. It had all fallen apart so easily. I knew it was my fault, but the information was meaningless, and I failed to comprehend the value of it. I slipped out of my clothes and slid into my pyjamas before the others had returned and sat on my bed cross-legged. Whatever issues I had to deal with, there was still my homework to tend to. I was chewing the end of my pen thoughtfully (I'd never quite gotten the hang of the quills, and used a fountain pen to do homework as the professors found it disdainfully muggle of me) when Tonks entered the room and sat beside me, disrupting my papers. I was grateful that I hadn't been using a quill as the inkpot would surely have spilled.

"Ugh, why do you use those?" She said, noticing the pen in my hand. I smiled.

"I like it. It's familiar."

"Well, whatever. What happened between you and Sirius? I thought everything was going so well," she questioned, relentlessly changing the topic. I frowned and shuffled my papers into a neat pile.

"He… Did something unexpected and it made me angry," I said, hesitating. Tonks noted my hesitation and didn't ask what he'd done.

"Was it really that bad? I mean, what can it be that would break you up? He didn't cheat on you did he? Seems like something he would do, actually."

"No… Nothing like that. It was just, wait, what? We're not broken up," I said, a sudden panic taking hold of me and rushing my words.

"You're not? Well you're both rather acting like it."

"Broken up? No, well, at least, I don't think so. He hasn't said anything like that. I just kind of assumed it was just an argument and we'd both get over it. I don't think…" I said, unable to finish my sentence. Somehow, I hadn't even thought about what Tonks was suggesting and the idea that I might lose Sirius had never occurred to me. Her words put a new perspective on the issue and made everything that much worse. "You don't think he would, do you?" I asked suddenly. Tonks looked at me funny.

"Considering I don't know what the issue is and you obviously won't tell me, how the bloody hell should I know?" She said in annoyance. I scowled.

"Regardless, this homework needs to get done and that's going to be rather difficult if you don't get off my bed," I said, perhaps a bit harshly. A wounded expression crossed Tonks face, but it was gone as swiftly as it had appeared.

"Right. Sorry for trying to help you out." Her tone was sarcastic and she hopped off the bed and went downstairs without another word. I chided myself silently for being snappy with Tonks. She didn't deserve half of what I put her through, and I sighed, wondering when she would finally decide that I wasn't worth the trouble and dreading the day. I spread out my papers again and shoved the upsetting thoughts to a small corner of my mind so that I could get some of my work done.

Once I had gotten through a short essay for Charms, I thought it might be better to do some work in the common room. My back was getting sore from bending over my work, and the warmth of the fire would be a comfort. There was a cold draught in the room that had me shivering. I snatched up my papers and pen and headed downstairs.

It seemed I had done too well in putting aside thoughts of unpleasant origins, and the sight that greeted me at the bottom of the stairs was nothing short of heartbreaking.

Sirius was making out with a girl whose name I didn't know, but distantly thought was in sixth year. The room was relatively quiet, as most were tackling their homework, and the sound that my pen made as it hit the floor was enough to make Sirius look up. His eyes widened as he saw me standing by the staircase, and his expression changed several times in quick succession. I wanted to move, wanted to run, but my feet were glued to the ground and much worse, my eyes stuck on Sirius and the girl who followed her gaze to where I stood. She bit her lip nervously and shifted uncomfortably, but I hardly noticed, hating every second I was forced to stand there.

"I needed someone that made sense. Raven, please. I don't understand. YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY," he said, his words seeming to take shape in the air between us, the last ones almost a yell. Everyone was staring. Everyone was watching this. Sirius' words were a verbal shove, they ripped the adhesive that glued my feet to the ground and I turned around and went up the stairs, so shaken that I didn't risk running. Feeling eyes on my back. Everyone was watching. Everyone.

I sunk onto my bed, buried my face in my pillow and squeezed my eyes shut. I heard footsteps and knew the other girls had followed me up to the room. I desperately wished I was invisible, and thought longingly of the cloak Siri- I stopped the thought mid-name and burrowed deeper into the covers and my pillow. There was an uncomfortable silence and I heard their awkward shuffling.

"Raven?"

"Just leave me alone," I said into my pillow, not caring if they understood my words or not.

"Raven c'mon. Talk to me. You need to get this off your chest," wheedled Tonks.

"I don't want to," I replied stubbornly. I heard her sigh and felt her weight settle onto my bed.

"Aww, Raven. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It wasn't your fault," I mumbled, lifting my head a bit so she was sure to hear me. I sat up and was instantly attacked by Tonks as she threw her arms around me.

"Poor Raven. You poor girl. What a horrible thing to do to someone," she murmured. I sighed and resigned myself to being crushed, telling myself that she was only trying to make me feel better. When finally I was released, I noticed Dawn and Lily were talking quietly at the other end of the room.

"It's alright Tonks. Don't worry about it. I'll be f-fine," I said, unable to keep from stuttering on the last word and biting my lip to keep anything else from slipping out. Tonks sighed and stretched out a hand to wipe away a single tear that had spilled from my eye when I hadn't notice.

"Sirius is such a pig. You'll find someone better," she said, and although the words were intended for comfort, they depressed me.

"I don't want someone better," I whispered and Tonks looked at me sadly.

"All in good time. You're tough, you'll get over it," she said encouragingly. I nodded silently, wishing it were true. Was time all it would take? Somehow I couldn't believe it, but I didn't want Tonks to worry about me.

"Thanks Tonks, I'll be alright, don't worry about me okay?"

"Alright Raven. Why don't you get some sleep. You look tired." I nodded again, and she went to put on pyjamas. Dawn approached me nervously, looking anxious.

"What is it? I don't bite," I said, trying to smile, but judging by Dawn's demeanour, failing, so I abandoned the attempt altogether.

"You dropped these, here," she said, revealing to me what she held behind her back, my papers and pen.

"Oh! Thank you," I said, gratefully taking them from her. She smiled brightly at me, but it faltered as she spoke.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry about what ha-" She started to say but I stopped her.

"Thanks, but it's fine. I'm fine. Really. I'll get over it, if not just yet."

"Alright, but if you ever need anything just let me know okay?"

"Sure, thanks again Dawn. I think I'm just going to get some sleep though. Good night," I said, as she echoed my last words and retreated to her own bed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, smoothing it out. I didn't want all this sympathy. I fell asleep much sooner than I would have believed possible; I must have been more tired than I thought, but the scene from the common room still chased itself around in my head. The thing that bothered me most was the publicity of it. Everyone saw. I'd been so embarrassed, and yet I couldn't bring myself to hate him. Maybe things were better this way.

_You drive me crazy._

His words echoed in my head and I tossed and turned even after I'd managed to slip into sleep.

I was lingering over breakfast the next morning when somebody sat beside me.

"Hi," he said in a small voice. I glanced over at Sirius, then proceeded to ignore him and drink the rest of my juice.

"Raven please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. She doesn't mean anything to me. It meant nothing, I was just frustrated. Hell, I don't even know her name." I shot him a cold look and continued to ignore him. "Please. I just don't understand you. You're confusing and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Yeah, well maybe it's better off this way. I drive you crazy anyways," I retorted sarcastically, getting up to leave. He grabbed my arm and I glared at him.

"Wait. Better off… This way? What way?" He said, sounding confused.

"You embarrassed me in front of everyone! Everyone! Everyone in Gryffindor saw and heard what you did. You seriously think everything's just going to be okay after that?" I said incredulously, pulling my arm out of his grasp. He stared up at me with puppy dog eyes. "Don't look at me like that! You wrecked everything; you don't know what that felt like. It's your fault so stop it. I have to go, I'm already late."

"Raven… Don't do this. I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry!"

"Sorry isn't going to cut it. I have to go to class," I said, turning my back on him and squeezing my eyes shut, hurriedly walking away, trying not to see the look on his face.

The days slid past seamlessly, one blurring into the next, and he was all I could think about, even though it still hurt. I hated how often his face popped into my thoughts and how hard it was to get rid of. At least he seemed to be slowly getting the message that nothing could change what had happened. Sirius seemed to be slowly coming back to himself, salvaging who he really was out of the sullen mood that he'd sunk into. I'd been surprised to find that Lucius hadn't bothered with me since I'd broken up with Sirius, but it was a consolation so minor in comparison to losing Sirius that I hardly thought of it at all. Day after day, I went through the motions that had always seemed so effortless before, but were now greatly taxing. I'd sit in class and not hear a word the professor was saying, gazing out a window, or scribbling on a piece of parchment.

At Quidditch practices, I played so horribly that Adrian kept me after we'd finished up to speak to me.

"Raven what's going on with you? I don't think I've ever seen you make such a terrible throw, or fail to catch any decent pass. I mean, I know what happened with you and S-" He started to say to me, but I made a face and cut him off.

"So? Everybody has their off days," I said, making up an excuse.

"But not two practices in a row. You've got to get this straightened out. We've got a game in just a few more days and one more practice left. I need you playing your best for this one, Hufflepuff have been looking better than I've ever seen them play. Did you see their match with Slytherin? Close, very close. Snap out of it okay?" I nodded in reply, embarrassed that Adrian was having this talk with me. I had been playing badly lately, and I was ashamed that I was letting it get to me and affect my Quidditch playing.

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry."

"It's fine. Just don't let it get to you alright?" He said, smiling. I nodded again and grabbed my things and heading back up to the castle.

_Tap tap._

I sighed, my head resting on my hand, eyes fixed on the large black bird as it tapped resolutely on my window.

_Tap tap._

I started as Dawn burst into the room.

"Hey Raven! What's that bird doing at the window?! I… I think it wants to come in," she said brightly, striding over to the window to throw it open.

"No don't," I said weakly and rather uselessly as the bird flapped itself over to me. With a flurry of black feathers, it landed on my head.

"Ah! Get off me you stupid bird," I said loudly, swiping at it with one hand. It only cawed at me reproachfully, seated firmly on my black hair.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry Raven!" Said Dawn anxiously, hurrying over in an attempt to shoo the bird away.

"No no! It's okay Dawn, I can get it," I said quickly. Dawn watched me nervously. "Yeah sure, no problem," I said, reaching up a hand to grasp the bird filmly and pull it off my head. It stared up at me through dark, sad eyes.

"Great, just what I need. They'll love this," I said gloomily, opening my hand and gazing down at the bird as it ruffled it's feathers.

"Aw! He's so cute! Are you gonna keep it? What are you gonna name it?" Said Dawn, hearing my disappointment. I blinked at her.

* * *

"Look! In the sky!"

"Is that a raven?!"

"No, Raven's right here," called Sirius helpfully to the other Gryffindors eating breakfast in the Great Hall. Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 !-- /* Style Definitions */ , , {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;} page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} 1 {page:Section1;} -- It surprised me how quickly he'd gotten over me. The sting of it had yet to fade, and he could still find the words to tease me as if nothing had ever happened. Maybe he was just a better actor than I'd ever realized. I stopped the thoughts there before they lead to something dangerous.

Amongst the whites, browns, and greys of the flurry of owls, I looked up to see a speck of black. Remus blinked from across me as the raven landed on my plate's edge.

"How…" Remus started to say.

"Ironic?" James finished for him.

"Not quite…" Remus said, smiling just a little at me. I glared at him and then the raven with as much malice.

"What?" I asked it stupidly, but I saw the tiny piece of parchment it held in its beak. Its head tilted to the side, and it hopped around the table before dropping it in my cereal.

"Wonderful," I said, sighing deeply, and pulling the paper out and brushing it off. The raven cawed happily, but I wasn't sure if it was laughing at me or not. Either way, I wanted to strangle it as Sirius whispered to James.

"She's speaking to it you know," he was saying in hushed tones.

"So she's like… a feathermouth?" They laughed loudly from their seats across the table from me as I was reaching for the bird's neck. But one look at Dawn (with Cobwebs on her shoulder) stopped me. She was smiling at me with huge sad eyes and I feared what she might do if I killed the creature. Needless to say, it would also garner me an even blacker reputation amongst the other Gryffindors. I sighed and wondered for the thousandth time why I'd been put in this godforsaken house. I'd have been quite happy to be a Ravenclaw, and I glanced over at their table longingly. At least I had Tonks, I'd have murdered someone by now if not for her. I shot Sirius a glare, which he didn't seem to notice, still talking and laughing with James.

"Whatcha going to name it Raven?" Asked Dawn.

"I'm not going to. I'm not keeping it," I replied flatly.

"Poor birdy," lamented Sirius.

"Casting out your own family. So tragic!" James sobbed sarcastically, as Peter laughed at their stupidity.

Well, at least Sirius is back to his old self, I thought to myself. Because it's such a relief to have him making fun of me, my thought sarcastic, and I got up, ignoring the raven and grimly gathering my things, hurrying away from it before the bird got it in it's head to follow me. I murmured a spell to dry the note, and stuffed it into my pocket without the faintest glance at it to see what it might say.

* * *

Notes: Wow, this ended up being way longer than I thought it would be. This is the longest chapter so far. What do you prefer, shorter or longer chapters? Anyways, the bit after the *'s where James and Sirius are making fun of Raven was written by INARI. Alright? Also, it's obviously not her chamber door, but it was a line from the poem ' The Raven' by Edgar Allen Poe and I liked it so there. This chapter's kinda sad. Stupid Sirius. Well I guess it was his turn to be an idiot. I think there'll be just one more chapter after this one and then the Millennium Masquerade! We'll have to write that soon. Inari hasn't updated her fic in a while... Hmm..


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